#i spent the past 3 minutes crying about their relationship

[glitchedrabbit]

i remembered about beckory and proceeded to doodle a comic

i then continued to read @//glitchpunkz beckory fic and proceeded to bawl for the next 2 minutes

[wwilsonbarness]

the three words

pairings: bucky barnes x y/n reader  

based on the request below ⬇️⬇️

Ok, here it goes. Can I request a story where y/n is dating Bucky, it's new, like they haven't had sex yet, they both love each other and want to have sex, but Y/n is a survivor of SA, and Bucky will be the first guy she will be with since the assault happen. Can you write about how Bucky will take the news of the assault and how he helps Y/n move past what happened and build a life with him? A bit of Angst, a little bit of smut and a whole lot of fuff.

warnings: smut 18+ (unprotected sex, fingering, creampie), discussion of past sexual assault on reader, insecure thoughts (reader), angst, fluff, bucky is an absolute sweetheart 😭- let me know if I missed any ;) 

word count: 6206 - oops

a/n: Please pay attention to the warnings and don’t read if it will trigger you in any way. The reader blames herself for her SA but please know that if you have ever experienced anything like this it was not your fault, I hope you’re doing okay and I’m proud of you <3 

Feedback, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) 

I do not give permission for my work to be copied, reposted or translated on any other platform.

masterlist

Bucky notices you sniffling and pulls you closer towards him, he doesn’t hide his laughter and you know exactly why. Movie nights had always been a part of your relationship and without fail they always made you cry.

“Doll, this is supposed to be a happy movie.” Bucky whispered close to your ear. 

You turn your head and look up to see him smiling down at you. “It is happy,” you wipe your eyes trying to stop the tears from falling, “these are happy tears.” Bucky couldn’t help but laugh a little more, he loved these little things about you, like the way you always cried when watching movies, the way you always laugh at someone's jokes even if they aren't even remotely funny, the way you will always make sure to have his favourite snacks when you invite him over, but especially the way you make him feel. He had spent his whole life waiting to feel this way with someone, and with everything that has happened to him he really didn't think he would ever get the chance. You felt the same way towards him, you’d only been dating for a few months but you truly loved him. You just hadn’t been able to bring yourself to say the three words to him, part of you was scared he wouldn’t say it back.

You managed to get through the last part of the movie only crying a couple times before the credits started rolling. You hadn’t realised how late it had gotten before you saw the time on your phone, Bucky had stayed over a few times in your apartment and you loved having him there, you felt safe with him beside you but sometimes the tiny voice in the back of your mind convinced you things would go wrong, tonight you decided you weren’t going to listen to that voice. 

“You wanna stay tonight?” you asked hesitantly, what if he said no? 

“Course I do doll, if you’re okay with it?”

“Always.” you shoot a smile up at him to show you were truly happy for him to stay over. 

“I’ll be through in a minute, I just need to wash my face okay?” you say as you stand up and start walking towards the bathroom. 

“Okay, doll.” When you get to your bedroom you see Bucky in the middle of taking his pants down, you couldn’t deny the physical attraction you had for him, you even craved his touch but you weren’t ready to do that with him. Not yet. 

“I put a toothbrush beside the sink for you.”

“Thank you,” Bucky comes over to you and brings his lips to your forehead for a soft kiss, “I’ll just be a minute.” You nod your head in reply and begin to change into your pyjamas. You opted for a thin shorts and t-shirt set, remembering last time Bucky stayed over and your bed became way too warm, he was like a walking heater. 

“Cute pj’s.” 

“It’s just plain shorts and a shirt Buck.” you say back with a smile on your face.

He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around you, “Well, I think you look very cute,” you feel your cheeks flush as he says it. He pulls away and climbs into the right side of the bed, knowing you prefer the left side and pats the space beside him. “You comin doll?” You climb in beside him and practically melt into his touch. 

He brings his face down to yours and leans in for a kiss, a slow, deep kiss and you lean into it, kissing him back. He moves his fingers up to your arm and starts to trail his fingers in circles over it, slowly moving to your chest, his lips following the same direction. You could tell what he wanted to do but you weren't ready for it, it took a second for you to say the words that were racing through your brain, “Wait Bucky, stop.” Your words came out a lot softer than you meant them to, you were almost scared he wouldn’t listen, but he backs away from you instantly and looks up to see your eyes becoming glossy. 

“What's wrong? Are you okay?” You could see the concern in his eyes and you hated yourself for making him worry. You hated yourself for not being able to give him what he wanted, you knew he deserved a girlfriend who could make him feel good. 

“I’m fine, but um,” you pause and take a breath before continuing “can we just cuddle tonight?” your voice was just as soft as before, and he could tell.

His eyes softened at your question, “Yeah baby, of course.” He lies back down and pulls you gently next to him. You lay your head down on his chest and get comfortable, he can feel the deep sigh of relief you take.

A couple minutes of silence pass before you can bring yourself to speak, and all you can manage is “I’m sorry.”

“Y/n, I promise, you have nothing to be sorry for. We don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to do, okay?” You try to answer him but you can’t find any words so you just nod against his chest. He rubs his hand gently over your arm trying to comfort you, the most important thing to him was that the girl he loved felt safe with him and he hoped you knew that. You had to know that right? That he loved you? 

You wanted to thank him for understanding and for not forcing you to do anything you didn't want to do but you couldn’t. Not without telling him about what happened to you, and you weren't ready to do that yet. You desperately wanted to tell him you loved him, to say those three words to him but the little voice in the back of your mind has once again taken control. He wouldn’t love you back, you know he wouldn’t and it would ruin everything. 

You try to push those thoughts far out of your mind and let sleep take over. 

You're not sure when you managed to fall asleep but when you woke up the space beside you was empty, he left? Did you scare him away? That thought doesn’t last long because you hear a bang in the kitchen and run through to find Bucky and the floor covered in waffle batter. 

You try to hide your giggles and ask if he’s okay but you nearly double over from laughing so hard. You finally manage to string together a sentence, “What happened in here?” 

Bucky did not find the batter spilling that funny but when he saw you laughing over it his heart melted, and he joined you in laughing. “Okay. This was not my fault” he says looking around him.

“Really? You raise your eyebrows and sport a grin on your face, “So who’s fault would it be?” 

“Well..” he pauses trying to think of an excuse but fails, “It was an accident” you walk over to him, looking out for the batter on the way, still laughing at the situation. 

“I suppose I can forgive you this time, but, only if you go change so I can hug you” 

“Just as soon as I clean this up, doll” He goes to grab the paper towels but you get there first.

“I will clean it up, you,” you point towards him “go get changed.” 

“Okay finee,” He sighs, “I will be right back.” 

It doesn’t take long to clean up and once you're finished you notice 3 cooked waffles beside the cooker, they must have been the only ones who survived Bucky’s awful cooking. Behind the waffles are tons of toppings, honey, whipped cream, strawberries and he even had grapes cut up for you, which were your favourite topping. It was unlike him to make breakfast, he would normally insist you go out because of this very reason, it normally ended up in something being broken or burnt. 

“So Chef Barnes, what made you decide to cook breakfast today?” you ask as he strolls back into the kitchen in a much cleaner state. He stands behind you and wraps his arms around you, leaning his head on your shoulder. 

“Just wanted to treat my girl, sorry it didn’t go to plan” you can hear sadness in his voice as he speaks. 

“Hey, we got 3 perfectly good waffles here, and you know what they say.” He turns his head to you, his brows furrowed together, you sense his confusion and continue. “Don’t cry over spilt waffle batter.” You both laugh at your words. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not the phrase, doll.” 

“Hmm, I’m pretty sure it is,” you tease back. “How ‘bout we try these waffles? I’m looking forward to seeing how much your cooking skills have improved.”

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up too high, but they look kind of okay?” His words slow down as he lifts the waffles up and inspects them. You peck his cheek quickly and lift the toppings off the counter.

“Come on, let’s do a taste test” You move to the table and lay out the toppings whilst Bucky brings over the waffles and orange juice. You both top your waffles, you choose grapes and whipped cream, and Bucky chooses honey, strawberries and cream. Bucky was almost burning a hole in your soul with how hard he was watching you take your first bite, so you decided to tease him. You purposefully make no facial expressions as you finish the bite. 

“So, where did you find the recipe for the waffles?” 

His eyes slightly squint together, “I got Sam to send me one,” You just nod. “Are they bad? I can make you something else if you want, well, not make I've had enough of the kitchen today.”

You finally break character and let out a huge giggle, “I’m just kidding, Buck. They taste really good.” He looks at you and you can tell he’s surprised, not quite believing you. “Really! Try it.” You nod towards his plate.

He takes a bite and chews slowly, almost scared of his own cooking skills before a smirk creeps onto his face. “You know what, I don’t think I’ll retire my chefs hat quite yet.” 

“As long as you promise to let me know next time, so I can have the fire extinguisher on standby.” The rest of breakfast went just like that, teasing each other, laughing together, everything felt good again. 

Bucky couldn’t stay with you for much longer that day, he had to go to the compound and meet Sam for training and preparation for a mission they had planned this week. You were sad he had to go but you knew it was important, plus it gave you time to go into work for a bit and check everything was okay with your store. You took a step back from working a couple years ago when things got a little too much, and thankfully you had great employees who could manage most of the workload without you, but as the owner you still had a lot to manage. Which is why you decided to go in today, you ended up serving customers and you enjoyed it. You didn’t think you would ever feel okay enough to work in the front again, things were really looking up for you. You worked until close and decided to stay longer to catch up on the paperwork you originally came to do until around 9pm when Bucky texts you. 

Buck

Hey doll, you alright? Sorry I’ve not been near my phone all day

You

I’m good! Miss you though :( 

Buck

I miss you too! Have you eaten yet? 

You 

No, I’ve been at the store all day, you? 

Buck 

I’ll be done here in like 30 minutes, want me to bring dinner around? 

You 

I would love that 😚

Buck 

See you soon, doll 

You finish the folder you are working on and head home, arriving just a few minutes before Bucky. 

“How many people are we feeding Buck?” you tease. He’s balancing 3 bags of food in his arms when he walks in. 

“I may or may not have gone a tad overboard, butttt,” he trails off as he puts the bags down and digs through one of them, “I got your favourite pasta.” He pulls a box out of the bag and holds it up. 

Your eyes light up at the box and the biggest smile appears on your face which makes Bucky’s heart melt. “Thank you,” you kiss his cheek, “you’re the best.” 

You both plate your food up and sit at the table to eat. Bucky tells you all about the ways Sam annoyed him today, even though you know they’re secretly best friends. You told him all about your day, even though you felt like it was pretty boring he listened to every word.

Before you know it, it was late again, and just like the night before you ask Bucky to stay over but his response is different tonight.

“Do you want me to?” His voice was smaller than usual, like it was lined with doubt. 

You did want him to stay, you hoped he knew that. “I do Buck, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to” You tried to hide the shakiness in your voice but Bucky could hear it. 

“I do, I swear I do,” he goes silent for a few seconds before he finds the words he’s trying to say. “Do you feel safe with me?” His question catches you off guard, so off guard that it takes you a minute to process it. 

“I do Bucky.” 

“I promise I would never hurt you, and I’m really sorry for last night, I never want to make you feel uncomfortable, and you being safe is the most important thing for me.” You could feel tears starting to form and take a deep breath to try and stop them. The thing was they weren't sad tears, they weren't happy tears either, but they were because you believed every single word Bucky had said to you, you did feel safe with him, you truly believed he would never hurt you, and you loved him.

Before you say anything to him you pull him in for a hug, he wraps his arms around you tightly and you can both tell neither of you want to let go, but you force yourself to. You had been debating with yourself for weeks on whether you could open up to him but tonight you had no doubts, you trusted him fully and finally felt ready to tell him. 

“You didn’t make me uncomfortable, I mean it wasn’t your fault, and it’s not that I didn’t want to, I’m just not ready for that yet” You’re looking at him as you speak trying to sense how he is feeling, but all you can see in his eyes are care and concern for you. Seeing that he cares for you pushes you to keep going. “Can you promise not to judge me if I tell you something ?” You knew he wouldn’t but you still felt the need to ask.

“Doll, I would never, I promise. Listen, if you want to tell me this you can but do not feel like you have to okay? It’s your choice, and whenever you’re ready to talk I will listen to you. Always.” What he really wanted to say was that he loved you but he didn’t want to overwhelm you.

You nod your head as he speaks to you, but find yourself looking down before you continue speaking. “There was this man, he’d been coming into the store a lot and he would always chat to me, he seemed like a really nice guy. He would always ask how I was and how my day was going. I even started to like him.” Your breathing starts to quicken and you try to keep yourself calm but you felt like you were reliving what happened and it scared you.

“Take your time, Y/n. Breathe, it’s okay”

“I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for, it’s okay, take your time, take a break if you need to.” 

You shake your head when he suggests taking a break, you knew if you stopped you wouldn’t be able to start again. You lower your head down to where your hands are playing with each other, and try and catch your breath before speaking again.

“It was just a normal day, he came in, in the morning and we spoke like usual. It wasn’t until I was walking home that I saw him again. It was really dark out and I thought someone was following me, I felt like I was being watched and then he appeared on the other side of the street. I feel so stupid for it now but I was relieved, it was someone I sort of knew so when he offered to walk me home I said yes, I thought that was better than walking alone in the dark.” 

You were trying so hard to stop the tears leaving your eyes but it felt impossible, you weren't just sad over reliving what happened but you were angry, at him and at yourself. If you had just made a different choice that night everything would have been different.

“Everything was fine for a few minutes, then he started putting his arm around me and I asked him nicely to move it, but instead of moving it away he moved it lower. I kept asking him to stop but he wouldn’t, he just kept touching me. I tried to get away from him but he pulled me into an alley and pinned me against the wall.”

You still hadn’t looked back up at Bucky so you had no idea how he was reacting to this, you just hoped he wouldn’t hate you after or look at you any different. What you couldn’t see was that Bucky was holding back his tears, he had an idea of what you were going to say - even though he’d hoped he was wrong -  and with every word you said he got sadder, but he knew this wasn’t the time for him to be upset, he just wanted to make sure you were okay. 

“I told him no, I told him I didn’t want it but he kept saying I didn’t know what I wanted and that he would show me, I wanted to scream but it was like my voice was trapped, I was so scared but there was nothing I could do stop him, I swear I tried to fight him. He just wouldn't stop.” The words were spilling out of you at this point, you couldn’t control them. “He didn’t stop until he'd decided he'd had enough and then he just walked away like he did nothing wrong, like everything was fine. I ran home and it hadn’t really set in what had happened, it didn’t until the next day when I was back at work and he came in again acting nice again, like the night before never happened. That’s when I realised it was wrong, that it was beating me up inside but he was fine. That’s why I took a step back from work, I haven't seen him since that day.” This was when you looked up at Bucky, you could see the tears forming on his eyelashes but he wasn’t letting them run, he looked angry, not at you of course but your brain convinced you he was. You panicked at the thought of that, maybe he believed it was your fault? Your breathing started to speed up and you could feel your heart beat faster and faster like it was going to jump out your chest, and you suddenly felt like you had to defend yourself for what happened.

“I know I probably shouldn’t have been walking home alone, especially in the dark, and I know I must have led him on at some point, maybe when he came into work or on the walk home or maybe I said-” before you can blame yourself anymore Bucky stops you. He wanted to let you talk, he wanted to listen like he said he would but he could not let you blame yourself for this. He so badly wanted to reach out and physically comfort you but he didn’t want to panic you more.

“Y/n, you are not to blame for what happened to you, this is not on you, it’s on the guy who assaulted you, and it never should have happened.” Bucky is the first person you’ve told about this so hearing these words felt like a weight was being lifted off of you. He believed you. He didn’t blame you for it. “Can I hug you?” 

You nod your head, you missed the safe feeling you got when he held you in his arms. “It’s not your fault this happened. I’m here for you, okay? We can just stay like this all night if you want, whatever you need.”

You did want that, it was everything you wanted and needed, to be held by the one person who made you feel safe and loved. “Thank you Bucky.”

“It’s okay doll, no need to thank me” He brings his head down to yours and softly kisses your forehead. “It’s okay.” That’s how the rest of the night went, cuddled up on the couch until you both fell asleep. 

When you woke up the next morning Bucky was still asleep, you were still in his arms but you didn’t make any effort to move, this was the place you needed to be in right now. You’re not sure how long you lay there but soon Bucky starts to move beside you. 

You turn to him “Hi.” His eyes open slowly, trying to adjust to the daylight. 

“Hi.” You both let out a small chuckle at how you have woken up. “Have you been up long?” 

“No, sorry for falling asleep on you.” You go to sit yourself up only now realising you were probably squishing him considering your couch wasn’t that big but he gently pulls you back down beside him. 

“Don’t be sorry, I like laying like this” Without realising you melt into his touch, letting his arms gather round you. “Have you got any plans today?” 

Your brows furrow for a second as you try and remember if you had anything planned today, when you’re confident you don't you shake your head. “Do you have to go into the compound today?” 

“Nope. We finished all the prep yesterday, we could do something if you want?”

“Hmm” you pretend to weigh out your options but you have no doubts in saying yes, “I suppose we could do something.” 

“You’re funny,” he teases before an idea pops into his head which gets him excited. “Do you remember that park you were telling me about, with the dog cafe?” Your eyes immediately perk up at the mention of the dog cafe, ever since you saw it online a couple weeks ago you had wanted to go.  

“Yes!”

“You up for going? We can take my bike and go for a drive by the beach after if you want.”

“You know I’ll never say no to going out on your bike.” The first time you went on Bucky’s bike you were terrified but it ended up being some of the most fun you’d had in a long time, and now you jamp at the chance to go on it.

“I swear you love that thing more than me.” he said as he chuckled beside you. 

You laugh at what he says but in your mind you’re thinking that you honestly didn’t think you could love anything or anyone more than him. 

“As much as I’m loving cuddling with you baby, I need a shower.” 

“5 more minutes?” you look up at him and pout your lips a little. 

“I will always say yes to more cuddles.” 

5 minutes turns into 30 but you finally get up and showered, and head out to the cafe. It was everything you could’ve hoped for, you and Bucky had the biggest smiles on your faces the whole time. You were smitten over all the puppies, and so was Bucky, although he was more in love with the owner's little white cat who wouldn’t leave his side. Not that he was complaining, you think that was his favourite part. 

After the cafe Bucky takes you on a ride around the city, it must’ve been for a few hours, making different stops whenever something seemed interesting enough. The final stop you made was the beach, it was a little more into the country so there was a lot less people and noise. You made it just in time for the sun beginning to set, you and Bucky are both leaning against his bike, Bucky has his left arm wrapped around you and you have your head up against his shoulder. It was peaceful, mostly silent, both of you just watching the waves crash against each other. 

You were happy, Bucky was happy, everything was good. Bucky should be looking at the view but he can’t take his eyes off of you, the way your hair is blowing slightly in the wind and the slight curve in your lips every time you see a wave crashing against the sand. He decides he can’t hold it in anymore and breaks the silence. “Y/n?” 

“Hmm?” you lift your head away from him a little so you can see him.

“I love you.” you freeze for a second, in complete shock over his words and he notices so continues speaking, “You don’t have to say it back, but I just want you to know I really love you.” 

“Bucky” You turn your whole body towards him now and lift your feet up a little so you’re level with him. “I love you.”

This was the moment you had been waiting for, you finally said the three words you had been wanting to say. It was perfect, better than you expected, it’s how it always looks in the movies, on a beach at sunset, which some would say is cringy but for you it was perfect. 

From that day your relationship only got better, you missed Bucky when he was away on missions but you’ve started going into the store a few days a week now which helped pass the time. You were still mostly working from home where you felt safer but things were really good. Bucky had helped you through a lot in the last couple months, he supported you through all the times you felt responsible for what happened to you and reassured you that it was not your fault in the slightest. When you had random days where life was just a little bit harder he reassured you that it was okay to have those bad days, and that he was there for you, and that he loved you more than life itself. 

One thing that hadn’t changed in the past couple of months was your sexual relationship with Bucky, you’d made it clear that night that you weren’t ready for anything more to happen and he was okay with that. The truth was he would wait as long as you wanted or needed before doing anything more, he understood why you aren’t ready and respected you. As  much as he likes to pretend he isn't, he actually is a huge cuddle addict, every night he comes home he rushes to hug you and doesn’t want to let go all night. Bucky still had his own apartment but he stayed at yours most nights, it wasn’t official but he had basically moved in, his things had filled up the empty spaces you once had and his own apartment was pretty bare now. 

It had been a normal day up until now, you and Bucky were laying in bed, but you felt different tonight, you’re not sure what shifted but you wanted to take things further. You bring your lips to his neck and whisper into his ear. “I love you.”

Bucky lets out a breathy chuckle as you speak, “I love you too baby.”

You bring your lips closer and place soft little kisses over his neck, whilst you run your fingers through his hair. “That feels nice..” He can feel your smile against his skin, which causes his cheeks to fill with blush. You were craving his touch and you knew he wouldn’t do anything without your permission so you asked for what you wanted, what you needed. 

“Bucky, touch me.” You see his eyes widen at your words, he was slightly surprised. 

“You sure?” You nod but he needs more, “I need words, baby.”

You can’t help the grin starting to form at the thought of being touched by Bucky, “Please touch me.” 

He turns his body around and guides you to lay flat. “You look so pretty.” You blush at his compliments, he notices and decides to keep going. First kissing your neck, “My pretty girl,” he moves lower, kissing your shoulder, and brings his left hand up to your breast. His cold fingers ghost your nipple through your thin shirt which makes you moan quietly, almost a whisper but he heard it. “Feel good baby?” You could feel the heat racing through you, following his line of kisses. 

As you open your mouth to answer he twists your nipple between his two fingers, you bite your bottom lip trying to stifle the moan trying to escape your mouth. “You don’t have to be quiet, I wanna hear how good you feel.” Bucky lifts your shirt up, exposing your breasts, the cold air hits you but not as hard as his cold fingers do. He continues playing with your nipple with his left arm and brings his mouth to the other. 

“Fuckk, that feels so good Bucky..” You weren’t sure if you were making much sense at this point. “Please Buck- Please.” It was like every bit of you was more sensitive than ever, every time his lips touched you it sent a shiver down your spine. You lift your hips up a little hoping to get some friction against your aching core. You feel his cock through his sweatpants, which made you even more excited. 

“What do you want me to do, baby?” He smirks as you look back at him, he knows what you want but he wasn’t going to do it until you asked. You both loved and hated the way he was teasing you, it made you feel so good but you needed more. 

You wrap your hand around his and bring it down to your shorts, “Please touch me Bucky.” You pull your hand away from him and he starts to pull your shorts and panties away from you. His fingers slightly graze your clit which makes you whimper under him, “Fuckk.” 

He runs his fingers up your folds a couple times, you were already so wet and he’d hardly touched you. He starts to run circles over your clit, your head falling back at the feeling, “Like that?” You could practically hear his smirk.

“Yes.. Bucky, keep- Fuck. Keep doing that.” His touch was sending you nearer and nearer to your climax, you didn’t know if it was because you were touch starved or because he was just that good but oh my god it felt amazing. He brings his other hand down and starts to tease your pussy, he drops a ball of spit down onto you and rubs it over his fingers and around your opening. He slowly pushes two of his fingers into you, you go to bite your lip to try and hide your moaning but remember back to him saying he wants to hear you.

It’s almost like he could read your mind, “Fuck baby, you sound so sexy.. squeezing around my fingers so tight.. Fuck.. I can’t wait to feel you around my cock” Your pussy clenches around his fingers at the mention of him being inside you, pushing you closer towards your orgasm.

“Oh. My. God. Bucky, I’m gonna come.” You manage to string together your sentence through your shaky breaths. No one, not even yourself, had made you cum this quickly before. 

“Go on Baby, come for me.” He speeds up his fingers rubbing your clit, which along with his words makes you completely let go and your orgasm rushes through you. 

“Fuckk..” Bucky continues to rub your clit but slows down as you come down from your high, whispering praise into your ears.

“You okay? You did so good.” You’re still catching your breath so you just nod. He moves to cuddle you a bit but you stop him, he’s confused for a second but then sees the smirk on your face. “What?” he teases. Even though you had just come you were still craving more. 

“Buckyy..” you pause for a second, the shyness coming back. “I want more..” Before he can respond, your leg brushes against his cock and he moans at the sensation. 

“Fuck, Baby. You have no idea what you’re doing to me right now.” 

“Show me?” you ask with a smirk. That was all Bucky needed to hear, he starts to take off his sweatpants, you see his cock hit his stomach as his pants fall and a slight whimper leaves your lips. 

“You ready baby?” 

“Please, I want you to fuck me” He presses his cock against your clit and your hips buck up at the feeling. He slides his cock down your folds gathering your wetness, before pushing just the tip in slightly.

He notices your breath hitch and stills himself, “You okay?” 

“Yes.. Go slow please.” he was so much bigger than you had ever had before and even with how wet you were you had to adjust. 

“Okay baby.” He slowly edges himself in more, “Fuckk.. You’re so tight, squeezing my cock so good baby.” His praise was making your pussy squeeze down harder onto him. 

He was fully in you now and he started to thrust in and out, slow at first but gathering speed quickly. “Fuckk.. Bucky. That feels so- so good” 

“Yeah baby?” He puts his hands on your hips and keeps thrusting into you, one thrust deeper than the rest hits that special spot inside of you, your eyes roll back and you gasp at the new sensation. 

“F..Fuck.” You can’t manage to speak properly with how good Bucky is making you feel, you were practically panting at this point and you could feel your orgasm coming towards you. You try to tell Bucky how close you are but you can’t get out the words. 

Bucky notices and is worried he’s hurting you or making you uncomfortable. “Are you okay?” 

You nod your head slightly but he starts to slow down and you can feel him start to pull out slightly. “Buc- Bucky..” You wrap your legs around him and pull him back towards you, “I’m Okay.. Just please.. I- I’m so close. Please.” 

Your pussy clenches around him, squeezing so tightly it makes it harder for him to slide in and out, you bring your fingers down to your clit and rub circles over it softly. The sight of seeing you touch yourself made Bucky’s cock throb inside of you. “Fuckk. Baby.. I’m not gonna last long seeing you like this,” You were both so close to coming, “So pretty taking my cock like this, baby.” 

He hits that spot again and you feel the band in your stomach snap, “Bucky.. I’m co- I’m coming. Fuck. I’m coming.” 

“Fuckk! Baby.” He groans out as his come shoots inside you, coating your pussy. He slows his movements, helping you come down from your highs, before carefully bringing himself to lay down beside you. You can feel the mixture of both your juices trail out of you, making a mess of your thighs and sheets but you didn’t care at this point.

“You doing okay?” Bucky whispers softly in your ear. You turn to him with a smile on your face and nod. 

“That was..” you can’t find the words to describe how he made you feel. “Thank you Bucky” It may have come across to Bucky that you were just thanking him for making you feel good but it wasn’t just that, you were thanking him for making you feel safe and loved and for waiting until you were ready. 

Bucky chuckles a little at how lost for words you are, “Thank you for trusting me,” He kisses your forehead and pulls you closer towards him, wrapping his arms around you, “I love you” 

“I love you more.” The three words you'd once been so scared to say were now one of the things you said most, Bucky truly was your love. 

“I don’t think that’s possible, baby.” 

AHHHH I hope this was okay! It’s my first request🤭

[soulwrencher]

Hey i just read your fanfic "and still i answer your call when she doesn't answer at all". and i loved it, i wonder if you could maybe make a part 2 if you have time, And if you want too. And ofcourse, you dont have to do it or rush it

hi! thank you sm <3 yes ofc i can, haven't written in a hot minute so;

and still i answer your call when she doesn't answer at all, part 2

pairing: ellie x fem!reader

warnings: toxic relationship, cheating, nsfw, curse words, soft?? ellie but highkey salty, not proofread yet again, lesbian sex <3, and also first time writing smut plsplspls have mercy on me, xoxo

word count: 3,9k

summary: you visit ellie again to thank her for comforting and taking care of you, but things take a different course when your 'girlfriend' texts you. or; ellie eats you out.

as warm tones start to set into the blue sky, february doesn't seem so cold anymore.

all your worries were washed away, all thanks to ellie. after you stormed to her place at the most vile hour, ellie took good care of you, the two of you watched your favourite movies until you fell asleep and she prepared you some breakfast before you had to leave for work. guilt resides in the pits of your gut, your gratefulness has never left the four walls of your mind, it is time you finally thank ellie for everything she has done for you these past few days.

you spent the whole day in bed, sulking away while thoughts of your girlfriend cross your mind. you reach for your phone, no message from her.

as you take steady steps to your closet you realise that there's no turning back now. you've made up your mind, it is over. but you needed good advice from a very good friend, surely ellie would have all the answers to your questions. flicking through all the clothes in your closet, memories of your girlfriend start to occupy your mind. the dress you wore on your first date, the hoodie she bought you on a rainy november day, the graphic tee you wore the first time she made you cry, and all the other clothes that witnessed you being miserable because of her. it had to end, now.

all dressed up now, you wash your face, washing the smudged mascara from yesterday's crying away. lately your emotions have been all over the place but you told yourself it is better to feel them rather than bottling everything up.

ready to leave, you text ellie a simple 'i'm gonna stop by your place' shortly regretting that you didn't text her earlier. but to your luck she replies almost immediately.

'sure, have you eaten?' the words circle your mind. you don't know whether you're impressed by the fact that she answered so quickly or that she potentially knew you haven't eaten a single thing yet.

'no' you reply, slipping your phone into your pocket while fishing out your keys that you mindlessly put in your pockets before locking the door.

you step outside and cold wind is blowing your way. the sky has already lost itself in complete darkness, but the clouds haven't shied away, surrounding the moons light.

ellie is just as nervous as the last time you were here, although now she had something to keep herself busy with: cooking.

keeping it simple, because she's too scared to mess up, but not too boring, ellie doesn't want you to think that she can't cook.

a dilemma she might never escape, because she knows you don't overthink any of your actions towards her. but should she really be thinking about this right now? ellie tries her best to feel somewhat content that you're coming over. however, knowing that she is one-sidedly overthinking her actions, caring for your needs and, well, liking you, she can't help but feel like burning this entire kitchen down instead of cooking a nice meal for the two of you.

"shit," ellie groans as she feels the blade digging into her fingertip. this for sure wasn't part of the cute scenarios she just made up nor was it part of her plan to burn this kitchen down. ellie rushes to find a plaster, a bandage, anything to put on her finger.

the door rings, ellie rushes to the door, heavy footsteps echo and bounce off the stairwell walls. the sound of you felt like a mixture of butterflies and sour lemons in her guts.

and there you stand, right in front of her. something in the fresh evening air must've altered your brain chemistry, because why do you feel her eyes linger? and why do you want them to? your emotional imbalance is surely to blame, you most definitely lack attentiveness and consideration. ellie lightly clearing her throat interrupts your almost driving you to insanity monologue, your eyes now drawn to her body.

has your friend's arms always looked this big? she's just wearing a plain white t-shirt, but you can't seem to stop yourself from tracing the strokes of her tattoo with your eyes. soft hello's were exchanged before ellie offered to take off your jacket. the outfit you picked out today and deemed too light for your own comfort suddenly became ridiculously warm.

"how have you been?" ellie asks, making her way to the kitchen as you awkwardly stand in the hallway trying to cool down.

"better? uh, do you mind if i change?" your voice breaks a little, you lightly chuckle to cover your discomfort.

ellie shakes her head, her whole attention directed towards the plates she's trying to decorate nicely with the food she has just made. truth is, she's trying her hardest not to think about you changing, about your bare, soft skin, about—

"oh my god," it emerges from ellie's bedroom, ripping ellie out of her mildly inappropriate thoughts. she was so sure that she cleaned her room well, even checked multiple times and every corner, what on earth did you find? she fiddles with her hands as she walks towards her bedroom, door slightly open. the auburn haired woman doesn't believe in god, but on this very day, she is making all kinds of prayers, hoping for the best. ellie opens the door and seeing you sit on her bed with your phone in your hand is surprisingly disappointing.

you watch her stand at the doorframe, her arms crossed, flexing her buff arms. you can't ignore her furrowed eyebrows, but when ellie notices the concern written all over your face she mouths a low 'what happened?'

you turn around your phone for ellie to read the text message your girlfriend just sent you.

'hey baby, can we talk? i'm really sorry' ellie reads in her head. she definitely prayed for all the wrong reasons, because this is exponentially worse than anything she feared just a minute ago.

"why are you showing me this?" she asks, her voice low. she's still standing in front of you, looking down on you. her gaze on you makes you feel things you haven't felt in a long time. but your girlfriend just texted you and is apologising for her actions, you need to focus. but something about the way her eyes are locking you in is making it a little harder to breathe.

you take a deep breath, you need oxygen to clear your head.

"well, i came here because i needed advice—" you carefully watch ellie approaching you slowly.

"—i wanted to end things with her but—" you thought you were attentive enough but you're taken aback by ellie's big hands resting on your thighs, her face dangerously close to yours. you steal a small glimpse at her tired eyes piercing you through before continuing. her being so close causes your breath to shorten, you're hoping your all that she can't see your chest lifting.

"—she apologised now, so we're good," you say. ellie's eyes widen in disbelief, slightly tilting her head.

"are you serious?" she scoffs, her eyes shut close before searching for answers in yours. you nod and watch ellie drop her head in disappointment, followed by several scoffs and sighs.

"no you're not," she says under her breath, disappointment slowly spiralling into exasperation. ellie can't tolerate this any longer. whether it is your dumb decisions or your inability to see your worth, she won't take this anymore. and it might be selfish to get angry at you for not seeing her more than just a friend, but she did decide on a whim while cooking that this is the day where she finally tells you. however the manner things are progressing for now seem to be reaching a dead end.

"i have to reply though," you mumble, but ellie's furrowed eyebrows insinuate you to feel insecure about your decision.

"you don't," ellie says, as an auburn hair strand looses itself from her split ponytail. her arm reaches for your phone, but you hold it up by reflex, you didn't expect her to grab for your phone. however, you forget that you're the one sitting and she'd just have to stand up straight to get your phone, so you rapidly throw your back onto the mattress, arms far away, she surely won't be able to get your phone now.

"fuck, you can't be—" ellie hesitates, and you smile triumphantly, until you feel something weighting you down. your eyes widen in realisation, did ellie just climb on top of you? your body's brush now and then against each other while she's trying to reach for your phone. you're about to turn to the side when you feel ellie's strong hands hold your wrist down, making it impossible for you to move. for a minute, you forget why you wanted to turn away as you loose yourself in her sage green eyes. and that's when realisation hits you, you're under her, at the mercy of her big, strong arms. ellie doesn't keep eye contact for long, her eyes are fixated on stealing your phone, your eyes are focused on her jaw line. you're being held down, her knees restricting your upper body from the sides, her chest alarmingly close to your face. your grip around your phone softens, your too distracted by her presence pressing and holding you down.

you hear ellie whisper a 'finally' before you're eye to eye again. ellie was too busy taking your phone away and only notices now how close the two of you are. your chests lightly brush against each other, ellie still pinning you down to the bed. her grip tightens around your wrist as she thinks about the way you're still so caught up with your girlfriend, but the fact that she has your full attention for once overrides all the anger she bottled up. you gulp down and break away from her gaze, looking to the side, where she's holding you down.

"what happened to your finger?" you finally break the silence, earning a low chuckle from ellie. she's breathing right onto your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

you watch ellie's lip move, form words, pressing against each other softly.

"you sure you wanna text your girlfriend?" the last words pull you out of the daze her lips put you in, she surely must've said something important. you need to focus. you have to ignore that your body is screaming to be held, to be touched.

the thought of ellie touching you has never crossed your mind until... now. this very thought makes you want to adjust your lower body, arching your back slightly.

ellie can't help but notice all the movement happening below her. she's never been this close to you. and knowing she has your undivided attention all to herself, she can't hold back any longer.

her chest bumps against yours as she slightly moves up, her hand reaching for your chin, holding it in between her thumb and bandaged index finger. you're forced to hold eye contact with her, her breath tickling your face. your chest doesn't even rise anymore, only falling lower and lower until the movement travels to your lower back.

it's hard to breathe and it's hard to think, you feel your eyes wander from her green eyes to her lips.

"do i have something on my lips?" ellie asks, while looking down on you.

"no?" you're confused, finally pulled out of trance. she tilts your head to the side, at which you sharply inhale.

"you're staring," ellie whispers into your neck, the sensation insinuates you to hold your breath. you see a smile creep up her face from the corner of your eye, your heartbeat must've dropped to your abdomen at this very sight. all your morals and values must have left you on this night, because you want nothing more than ellie. she always directs you to make the right decision, so you want to believe that she will stop you from pursuing your inappropriate thoughts. with your free hand you reach for the hem of ellie's t-shirt, holding onto it desperately.

"ellie," you say out of breath. something about the way you called for her name made her lose it all, the breathlessness, your voice, the feeling of your body under hers.

her narrowed eyes fill with desperation, hunger, and lust. the sight of you underneath her tingles on her fingertips, ready to roam your body.

ellie takes a deep breath, lifting your face by your chin. she observe your lips carefully as she traces the outlines with her thumb.

"can i?" ellie finally asks, her eyes nervously looking for a place to rest on. you look up to her through your lashes, your grip tightening on her t-shirt. she makes you feel so needed, so incredibly wanted. your mind tells you to put an end to this but the feeling growing in between your thighs can't be ignored any longer. you shut your eyes close, then take one more look at ellie.

her arms could hold you up without struggling, her hands look so sturdy, she could touch you just the way you need her to.

sharply inhaling, you nod, and a smile creeps up her face. and you still feel said smile as she presses her lips against yours.

you didn't know that such a gentle kiss left you eager for more, and you find your hands entangled in her hair, frantically holding onto ellie.

the way your hands speak for what's going on on your mind makes ellie's blood rush through her veins, the soft fabric of your top rubbing up against her arm drives her insane as your skin is exposed every now and then.

ellie's hands glide over your body as her lips devour you impatiently. the sensation of her fingertips linger and you can't keep up any longer. she wants more of you, sloppy kisses emphasise that her attention has shifted from your lips to your body.

you can't help but notice her t-shirt riding up every so often, abdomen exposed.

"fuck," ellie groans, your bottom lip tugged in between her teeth. her hands finally have found a place to rest, a little under your chest, cupping your breasts. her gentle eyes meet yours, pressing her lips to a thin line before speaking.

"can i take your shirt off?" ellie's voice is slightly raspy and it's just enough to worsen the pressure in between your thighs. you squeeze them tightly, earning raised eyebrows from ellie.

"only if you take yours off too," you shoot back, because you can't be doing the wrong thing one-sidedly. however, didn't you want to end things with your girlfriend? she was practically an ex by now, you would've told her soon enough.

ellie sits up, her inner thighs pressing against your waist.

"oh? then, take your bra off too," ellie says, as she trails kisses on your neck, hot, slow and wet. you slightly arch your neck while biting down a moan. this is getting too heated for your own comfort and you can see yourself making noises only a few instances away, this needs to stop.

but ellie keeps on sucking, biting and licking your neck, making it impossible to keep quiet. and to make matters worse, she pushes her thigh all the way up against your aching spot, resulting you to softly moan.

"shit, didn't know texting your girlfriend back included moaning for me," ellie spits, the bitter taste of her fury still hasn't left her tongue. you're taken aback by her words but the sensation on your neck is keeping you in a trance you can't break away from. ellie's had enough of waiting, so she switches position with you, making you sit on top of her lap. she lifts your t-shirt, every inch of exposed skin is followed by hungry kisses until the shirt is off of you. you don't necessarily like sitting on top, too many vulnerable spots to be explored. ellie's rough hands glide down the sides of your upper body until they comfortably rest above your hips. her fingers graze over your body making breathing impossible, you feel it all the way down your lower abdomen.

and as if her big sturdy hands roaming over your body wasn't enough, she reaches for your back, undoing your bra with one hand.

you watch her smirk cockily as the straps of your bra fall to the sides, exposing your shoulders, and more importantly your chest. ellie bites down her lip as she cups your breasts, giving them a good, firm squeeze before locking eyes with you.

"you're tits look so fucking perfect," she groans, letting the palm of her hand brush against your hard nipples while ellie feels your hips tilt to the back at the touch of your skin, back arched for a moment only. she then pinches them and teases you even more, so you try to stop her and you reach out for her hand. however, you mistakenly grab her tattooed forearm, grasping it firmly to push her away from you. ellie chuckles at your unfortunate attempt to break away from her.

"you want them inside of you?" she teases, while breathing hot air onto your nipples. your eyes widen in surprise, when have you implied that? you suddenly feel heat creep up your neck, panic written all over your face. in response, ellie points to the forearm you've been digging your nails into.

"oh," you say, rapidly drawing your hands in.

"no, it's fine," she says while putting your arms around her, lifting you slightly up to lay you on her bed. her fingers are hooked on your waistband while taking your pants off. you've never seen anyone look this hot taking pants off, loose hair strands covering her face, you can't tell her facial expression.

all you see is her muscular shoulders and arms flexing while she undresses you.

you realise that wearing grey underwear will be the death of you as you hear ellie laugh lowly. you sense her blowing hot air against your clit, oh god is she a tease, you think to yourself.

"so fucking wet and i haven't even touched you? would love to hear your girlfriend's opinion on this," ellie scoffs, while observing the hot mess you are.

"ellie, for fucks sake i'm—"

"you're what?" eyebrows raised, hands resting on your thighs. you take a deep breath. talking about this while you're about to do it is not just incredibly anticlimactic but also immensely nerve wrecking. her eyes are like a ticking bomb, the longer you keep her waiting the more the disappointment grows, her gentle eyes turning tired.

"i'm ending things with her," you finally say.

"you surely will after today," ellie responds, her fingertip firmly pressing on your clit, only fabric separating her from your skin.

you gasp and your stomach rises almost immediately at the pressure you feel, causing you to squeeze your thighs tightly together. however, ellie slips her rough hand in between them, mouthing an 'open' towards your direction which you deemed useless since ellie opened your legs forcibly on her own. she holds one of your thighs down while pulling your underwear to the side, exposing your throbbing, wet clit. she holds two fingers out, gliding them over you to moisturise them before sliding them inside of you. the sensation of her fingers inside of you causes you to arch your back, throw back your head and dig your nails into her scalp.

"easy, love," she whispers, her fingers curved inside of you. ellie starts off slow, with every thrust you exhale shortly, until they turn into soft moans. her unexpectedly breathing against your clit makes you go insane, you feel the sensation give you goosebumps all over you body.

your body leaves ellie mesmerised, the way you move at her touch worsens her need to keep you all to herself, to devour you. she never imagined you to be this gorgeous, this attractive. she wants more of you and desperately wants the taste of you on her tongue. and not a second later, ellie made up her mind, she adjusts herself and pulls your panties further to the side, having full view of you.

"gorgeous," she mutters before crashing onto your clit, letting her tongue slowly slide to the top before making her way back down again. you pull at her hair in reaction, your other hand gripping her bed sheets. ellie moves the tip of her tongue up and down before tugging your clit in between her lips softly, sucking it in.

your moans become shaky and her sucking becomes more intense. you feel your whole body tense up as she presses her parted lips lightly around you, her tongue slowly flicking your clit inside of her mouth. she then lets go of you, you hold your breath.

you're numbed by the sensation and can't tell what's going on, you either feel her fingers pump inside of you or her tongue absolutely devouring you. you can't keep up any longer and ellie doesn't even leave space for a moment to breathe or think, you only feel, and that deeply.

all you hear are the wet noises you make against ellie's tongue and her grunts that unexpectedly turn you on. nails digging into her hair, back arched to the ceiling and your mind so far gone that all your responses to ellie's teasing questions are mindless moans, you feel her push even harder inside of you, causing you to jolt. ellie grins onto your clit as she notices your throbbing take on a slow, rhythmic pace, your insides clasping around her fingers in said rhythm. your hips move in circles, you desperately want to come, you've never felt this good.

and ellie keeps her thrusts consistent, just as the movement of her tongue, only increasing the speed of it. the taste of you sends her to another dimension, she already knows that this will leave her hungry for more. and so your back shoots up, forcing your hip all the way down and clutching around ellie's fingers, a sharp, but loud moan escaping your mouth. content with her work, ellie plants a kiss on your clit, your body shuddering in response. she slowly removes her fingers, your body shivers once more.

you're still in a haze, but ellie hovering over you pulls you out of it, her glistening lips are mesmerising. you see her lose strands sticking to her forehead, a few pearls of sweat on her well built arms. ellie observes your eyes, the way you look so gorgeous in the dimmed light worries her that she might do more.

"good job," she whispers into your neck, goosebumps spreading across your skin. you mutter a 'thank you' which makes you realise you're thanking her for all the wrong reasons. she lays down beside you and holds her right arm out, suggesting you to rest your head on it. you scoot closer, watching her chest rise and fall as she breathes.

"thank you for... the past few days," you say quietly into her chest. ellie scoffs shortly, raises her right arm to the back of your head and pats you. only now you notice that she has taken her shirt off, you don't recall that happening but you surely don't mind the view. you then feel ellie reach out for something, your phone in her hand.

"now text your girlfriend back and make sure to let her know that i'm here."

a/n: hello sorry for taking so long to update, was busy with exams, i was on renee rapp's concert as well (she's so attractive oh god) and yes. enjoy my first attempt at smut :)

[azzibuckets]

Paper Rings [Part 5/10 | Paige Bueckers]

paige bueckers x fem!reader

summary: the morning after

a/n: i love making people cry so some pretty angsty stuff up ahead 😁 forgive me for turning paige into a slight asshole

word count: 1.8k

masterlist w/ all parts

FLASHBACK: 1 YEAR AGO

The green LED light on Paige’s alarm clock blinked 3:07 AM. Paige had been up for the past two hours. Tossing and turning seemed like the right phrase, but she didn’t want to wake you, so all the turmoil stayed inside her head.

A burst of warmth ran through her body and flooded her senses whenever she looked at you. You were curled up against her side, lightly snoring. You looked so soft in the moonlight, and Paige wanted to take a photo of you like this and ingrain it inside her brain. But her mind’s been running non stop for the past 120 minutes, overcome with regret over what you two had just done.

Paige had always known of her tendencies. She wouldn’t call herself a player, because she never intentionally led girls on. She always made it clear to her one night stands what they were - a hookup, with no strings attached. But some girls never seemed to get it. Every so often there would be someone who got attached to Paige after just one night together and ended up leaving her apartment in tears, cursing her name. She hated when that happened, hated seeing them cry.

So she vowed to herself never to sleep with you. Not because she didn’t want you, because God knows how many sleepless nights she spent in this very bed, dreaming about the pink of your lips and the curve of your hips. But because she knew how complicated things would get. Your friendship was the one thing that had remained stable in Paige’s life the past few years. There mere thought of losing you made her heart pound and head throb.

So Paige had stayed strong. Never mind all those moments where her hands had lingered on your waist a little too long, or the fact that the wallpaper of her lock screen and home screen were both pictures with you, or the fact that you were the only person pinned on her messages app besides her family. She knew she couldn’t have you.

Paige brushed a strand of hair from your eyes, letting the pad of her thumb trail down your cheek. You stirred in your sleep, a smile drifting faintly across your lips, and shifted closer to her, burying your face in her abdomen. And in that moment, Paige realized two things.

#1. She was in love with you. Yeah, she’d always loved you as a friend. You were thoughtful and supportive, a best friend a person could ask for. But beyond that, you made her feel seen. To you, Paige wasn’t just a basketball player or a pretty face. You had broken through her barriers and made the effort to know her on every level, and that was what Paige in love with you.

#2. She didn’t deserve you. Paige thought back to all those times she’d canceled on movie nights because somehow she’d ended up again at the bar with her teammates, flirting with pretty girls while the prettiest girl sat alone in her room. Or when she’d briefly dated Anna, who had apparently been cold to you for their entire relationship, always making snide comments when Paige wasn’t around. But you had saw how happy Paige was (but not as happy as she was whenever she was with you), and had kept silent, not wanting to ruin Paige’s relationship. And even though Paige had broken up with Anna as soon as she’d found out about her behavior, she couldn’t quiet the voices in her head blaming her for letting someone treat you like that. You were the best person in the world, Paige thought. And you deserve someone who can give you all of that. Not me.

So after having come to those two conclusions, Paige knew what she had to do.

——————————-

You woke up in a daze. Checking your phone, you realized it was only 8 AM. Tired, you slumped back into the pilllow. The events of last night only came back to you when you moved the sheets of Paige’s bed and saw your bra.

You couldn’t help but smile as memories of fisted sheets, shaking legs, and hands intertwined in each other’s hairs came flooding back. You pressed your fingers to your lips, the lips that Paige had kissed over and over again just hours before. You and Paige had slept together, and everything had felt so right. And god, that was the best head you’d ever gotten.

Getting up, you heard clattering in the kitchen and footsteps outside. Assuming it was Paige, you didn’t bother to cover up when the door swung open, but your mouth fell open when you came face to face with Azzi.

“Oh my god!” Azzi shrieked. Both of you stared at each other for a second before you grabbed the comforter off Paige’s bed to cover your body. “Get out, get out, get out!” you yelled.

Azzi slammed the door. Heart beating fast, you rushed to find your clothes. “Did I just see what I thought I saw?” Azzi yelled from the other side of the door.

“Azzi Fudd, I will smack you,” you yelled back as you started to pull on your jeans.

“Did you and Paige sleep together?” She screamed. “Oh my god, she’ll kill me if she finds out I walked in on you like this.”

You fiddled with the buttons on your jeans. “That’s why we’re gonna keep this a secret. You’re not gonna tell anyone we slept together.”

“What?! But now Aaliyah and Nika owe me twenty dollars,” she complained.

You tugged on your shirt. “I’m gonna pretend that you didn’t just tell me that three of our closest friends made a bet on us sleeping together.” You opened the door and glared at a sheepish Azzi. “Now where the hell is Paige?”

“I dunno. I heard her leaving an hour ago. I thought I was home alone. You scared the shit out of me,” Azzi side eyed your sex and bed hair, and you ran your hand through it, trying to make it look less messy. “So, how was it?” Azzi leaned towards you with a sly smirk on her face. “Was it good?”

“Oh my god, Azzi.” You pushed her out of the way and grabbed your purse from the couch. “I’m leaving. You better keep your mouth shut.”

“No promises!” Azzi called after you, cackling as you left the apartment.

—————————

5 DAYS LATER

“Open the fucking door, Bueckers.” You rapped on the door of Paige’s apartment, impatiently tapping your foot as you waited.

After you heard noises from inside but she still refused to open the door, you knocked even harder. “I know you’re in there, asshole. Azzi told me you’ve been in here the entire day.”

Finally the door swung open, and I laid eyes on Paige for the first time since we’d slept together 5 days ago. Her hair was in a messy low bun, and she was wearing her grey UConn sweatpants and a sports bra. You ignored the blush that rose from your neck from seeing her bare abdomen, all sculpted and taut, and instead glared at her.

“What the fuck, Paige? You haven’t responded to any of my texts and calls in the last week. Are you seriously ghosting me?” You pushed past her into the apartment.

Paige stared at you, still not saying anything. The last five days had been hell. You knew that sleeping with your best friend would change things. It would be awkward, and unsure, but you and Paige have always been able to figure everything out. So you didn’t expect for her to drop all communication with you, leaving you alone in bed the morning after and then ignoring all your attempts to talk to her after.

Paige smirked at you, but it wasn’t tantalizing and seductive like the last time you saw her. It was sharp, calculated, like she knew something that you didn’t. “Damn, I was that good, wasn’t I?”

“Paige, I need you to be serious right now.” Your voice was rising in pitch, your frustration showing. “We need to talk about us.”

Paige folded her arms, and she had never looked so distant. “What is there to talk about?”

You pushed her, not hard, but enough for her to stumble back. “Okay, so you fucked your best friend, and now you don’t even wanna talk about it?”

Paige swallowed, and she looked away. “We lost in the Final Four that night.”

“Yeah, so?” Your face was flushed red with anger, and you felt hot all over. “What’s that gotta do with anything?”

She turned back to look at you. Her face was impassive now, and you wondered at who this girl in front of you was. It seemed like you didn’t even know her, this version of Paige. “It was a tough game,” she said curtly. “I needed to blow off some steam, and you were there.”

I needed to blow off some steam, and you were there.

You physically recoiled. Those words resounded in your mind, ricocheting from every corner, repeating itself until you went numb. You tasted something bitter in your mouth, a confirmation of what you had been worrying yourself sick about 24/7 for the past several days. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

Paige regarded you coolly. “I’m starting to get the feeling that you thought that night was a declaration of love or something. I mean yeah, you weren’t bad for your first time, but it was just sex.”

A jumble of something terrible and bitter began brewing in your stomach. It was a mixture of anger, and horror, and shock and pain, threatening to spill over. You didn’t know whether you wanted to sob or throw up. That night you had basically admitted to Paige that you had wanted her for so long but…had you been so foolish to believe that she actually liked you back?

“You’re really nothing but a slut, huh,” you scoffed. You felt like a dagger was stabbing you, brutally piercing you in the heart as those words were spit from your mouth, but you were so angry, so furious, you couldn’t stop. “You don’t care about anything but getting laid. You’re so fucking shallow.”

For a moment, you thought you saw hurt flash through Paige’s eyes. But she quickly recovered, and her face turned stony again. “I’m not the one who was like a little fan girl, so desperate that you jumped on me as soon as I gave you the chance.” Her lip curled.

We, whatever we were, were over, and we both knew it. We were throwing out insults, maiming each other in an attempt to mollify our own hurt. We were drowning, and you knew it, god you knew it, your lungs felt on fire and you felt like you were losing everything in my life all at once. And you were too weak to stop it. Too cowardly to apologize, to take all your words back, to tell her you loved her so much, that you would be willing to stay friends and only friends and ignore the fact that you were heads over heels for her, just so she would stay in your life and you could go back to what you were before you made the most stupid decision of your lives.

But none of that came out. Instead, you said words that you didn’t mean.

“Don’t talk to me ever again, Bueckers. I fucking hate you.”

“Gladly.”

[alwaysonthemend]

Author’s Note: Happy Valentine’s Day! Here’s a little Josh fic for you all. Just as an aside, this fic follows the reader after she’s just gotten out of a past relationship that ended badly. I used gender neutral pronouns and words for her ex and Josh is also written as being queer in this fic. I wanted to make this as inclusive an experience as possible for my readers so that is why I chose to use gender neutral language for her ex-partner. And obviously, Josh has never given us a specific label for himself and so I didn’t want to assume anything about him by doing so myself but I do write that he’s had past relationships with both men and women – but I am in no way claiming to know his dating life or how he identifies. I hope you all enjoy and happy Valentine’s Day to each of you <3 

Warnings: Smut (p in v sex, unprotected sex), oral (f. receiving), fingering, pleasuredom!Josh, discussions of infidelity (past relationship - not between reader and Josh), slight panic attack (nothing major), feelings of body insecurity, parties, drinking. 18 Only. Minors DNI 

Word Count: 5k

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Fuck them was all you really had left to say. In all honesty… there wasn’t much to say at this point. You’d given them 3 years of your life – 3 years spent crafting a future around a person who, in the end, hadn’t cared enough to do the same for you. You’d been with them for 3 whole years, had spent hours and hours of time with them, loved them at their best and their worst, comforted them when they needed it, been their shoulder to cry on, celebrated their achievements, and loved them with your whole heart for those entire 3 years. And how had they repaid you in the end? By climbing into bed with someone else. A quick fuck with a stranger that they met at a bar was apparently worth more than the 3 years that you had spent loving them the way that you had. It’s crazy how even after all that time you can still find out that you hardly even knew a person at all. 

And now here you are the day before Valentine's Day eating ice cream and watching The Office reruns on your couch to try and keep from actually thinking about the hurt you have in your heart. You’ve cried all the tears you have and now you’re just left with a hollowness that you can’t seem to shake. There’s a hole in your heart where all that love for them used to be and now you’re stuck in this weird limbo between heartbroken and downright furious. 

Ping!You glance down to where your phone screen has lit up with a text message. You pick it up and immediately sigh at the message that waits for you. 

Danny 9:08 PM 

Please tell me you’re still going to come to the party tomorrow night 

You hadn’t been planning on it. You’d thought since the very moment that Josh had brought up the idea of a Valentine’s Day party that it was borderline ridiculous. But you had agreed to go simply because your partn- your ex had said that they wanted to go. But now that they weren’t in the picture anymore… the thought of going to a party where everyone is going to be hanging off the arms of their partners and, as Josh had put it, love is gonna be in the air! makes you want to scream. Hell no. Fuck no, even. 

You 9:09 PM 

Don’t think so. Not really in the Valentine’s Day mood to be honest. 

It takes hardly even a minute before Danny answers you back. 

Danny 9:10 PM 

Totally fair 

Danny 9:12 PM

There’s gonna be free booze tho… And you’ve gotta stop rotting away on your couch eventually

You pause for a moment before answering. He’s right to be completely honest. You’ve spent two weeks holed up in your apartment and wallowing in self-pity after your breakup. And honestly it’s starting to get a little old. But a Valentine’s Day party? You’re not sure that that is going to be the best break from your self-imposed lock down. But on the other hand… free booze does make the whole idea just a little bit more appealing. Plus, it’d be a great excuse to get dressed up and feel sexy for a night and have it be just for you and not for anyone else. And you haven’t actually gotten to see Danny and the rest of the guys a whole lot recently thanks to their busy schedules. 

You sigh once again before texting Danny back in defeat. 

You 9:15 PM 

Fine

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Any and all excitement that you had the night before is entirely gone by the time you step through the doorway of Josh’s incredibly color-coordinated home. You’d felt sexy in your outfit as you’d stepped out of your apartment but the loud music and even louder people make you want to turn heel and run in the opposite direction. But you’re here now so you figure you might as well enjoy the free booze. You’d taken an Uber tonight solely so that you can get as drunk as you want without having to worry about driving back to your apartment.

“Y/n!” 

Danny comes bounding over to you, crushing you in a hug that steals your breath away. You squeeze him back and giggle softly. 

“You smell like beer.” You scold him, wrinkling your nose in mock disgust. 

Danny smiles and nudges your shoulder with his. 

“And you don’t and that’s just not acceptable.” 

With a comforting hand placed on your upper back, Danny leads you through the crowd of people into Josh’s kitchen where an array of bottles and stacks of red solo cups await you on the counter. And amidst it all, pouring himself another drink, is the host of this over-the-top Valentine’s Day party. He grins at you as you and Danny enter and you can’t help but to smile back. 

“I didn’t think you were gonna make it out tonight!” Josh starts, throwing back a shot before turning his body to face the two of you fully. 

You shrug and jab your thumb towards Danny who laughs lightly. 

“I’m persuasive.” Is the only bit of explanation he gives. 

“And annoying.” You mutter playfully as you walk over to the counter to survey the various choices in alcohol that lay before you. “Watcha makin?” 

Josh’s attention drops back down to the drink that he’d been in the middle of pouring when you’d walked in. 

“Tequila Sunrise.” He holds up the glass for you to see and you’re impressed with how nice the drink looks. “I’m no bartender but…”

You shake your head, eyeing the beautifully balanced red and orange colors in the glass. 

“Nonsense. You know you’re good at mixing drinks. That looks great.”

A pink blush dusts the apples of his cheeks (the color of them making the white dots of his makeup stand out even more) and even the tips of his ears turn a shade darker at your compliment. 

“I think you should try a sip before you praise me too much.” He extends his hand and holds the glass out to you. “For you. And if it sucks… Jake is the one who told me how to make it so blame him.”

You take the glass and sip the drink, closing your eyes and humming at the taste. Josh is watching you intently and you wonder briefly if he’s always been so damn attractive.

“And if it’s really good?” You question, taking another sip. 

He puffs out his chest and grins. 

“Why then it’s all me, of course.”

You can only shake your head at him but a smile spreads across your lips despite yourself. 

“It’s really good, Josh. You have my stamp of approval.”

Your eyes meet Josh’s and those brown eyes of his glint with something that you can’t quite name before it’s gone in a flash. You drop your gaze to the drink in your hand and Josh looks towards Danny. 

“Daniel, care for a drink?”

– 

You’d spent the last hour or two milling about throughout the house, saying hi to friends and occasionally bumping into Josh who always smiles warmly at you in passing as he busies himself with being a cordial host. 

And you’d had perhaps one too many drinks and the room is starting to spin by the time you collapse onto a sofa to take a breather. Danny had stuck by your side for a while before his date had arrived, at which point you’d latched yourself onto Sam until he decided to leave early with a girl he met. You’d gone searching for Jake but he’d been nowhere to be found. Likely, he’s already gone home. He’s never one to stick around at social gatherings this big for too long. 

You try not to but your heart aches slightly that you’d been abandoned by Sam and Danny. You know that ‘abandoned’ is a strong word but… they knew you were freshly single and hurting. You had hoped that they would have been more willing to spend just a little extra time with you tonight. In fact, the longer you think about it, the more your hurt feelings begin to grow. You’re not angry with them. Not all. If you’re being honest with yourself, you envy them. They both had someone to spend the night with tonight. Jake, too. 

You glance around and suddenly all you can see is other people with their partners. Holding hands, laughing, touching, kissing. Your breathing picks up. Does everyone here but you have someone? It sure freaking feels like it. Maybe it’s the alcohol making you have such a strong reaction but you’re suddenly desperate to get out of here. You need to get out of this place. You stand, the abrupt movement causing your head to spin a bit but you ignore it in favor of trying to find an escape. As you make your way through the throng of people it’s like navigating through a sea made of nothing but smiles and kisses that aren’t for you. Your eyes scan frantically until at last… there! The door to the back porch. 

You push your way to it and open the door quickly and slam it shut behind you as you escape out onto Josh’s back porch. You pause there, bowing your head and taking a moment to try and steady your breathing. Your throat burns with unshed tears but you swallow them down – you refuse to shed any more tears over the person who treated you so horribly. You refuse to give them the satisfaction. 

“Y/n?” 

The sound of your name makes you jump and your eyes snap open to find Josh leaning against the bannister, his head turned back to look at you. 

“Hi.” You answer him, willing your voice to sound more composed than you feel. “I didn’t see you out here.” 

He smiles and beckons you over to him with a lazy wave.

“Just taking a break for a moment.” His voice carries a warmth that you hadn’t realized you needed as you come to lean on the bannister beside him. “You okay?” He keeps his face purposefully neutral but you can see the concern swirling in his eyes. 

“Yeah. Just got a little overwhelming in there.”

He nods, the motion making an errant curl settle onto his forehead. Your hand itches to reach up and swipe it back into place. 

“No Alex tonight?” 

It’s an innocent question but your ex’s name sends your heart breaking all over again. You’re not even sure why you’re still so upset. Clearly they didn’t love you the way you had loved them and you want to say that you’ve moved on but… 

“No. We’re not together anymore.” 

“Oh.” Josh breathes out, his features melting into a look of pure sympathy. It makes you want to cry even more. “I’m sorry.” 

You shrug.

“It’s okay, really. They fucked a stranger in our own bed so… I’d say it’s a good thing that we broke things off.”

Josh winces at the bitterness in your tone and looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t know what. 

“Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m still so upset. It’s not like I love them anymore. Not really.”  The alcohol in your systems seems to have loosened your tongue as you begin speaking again despite having no intentions of wanting to talk about them at all tonight. 

“Anyone would be upset, Y/n. Alex betrayed your trust. Regardless of how you feel about them now… it’s still painful. That’s normal.”

You huff. 

“It’s stupid. Stupid and tiring and-” You stop yourself and swallow thickly. “Sorry.” 

Josh smiles. It doesn’t reach his eyes all the way but it’s genuine. 

“Don’t be. Trust me, I know how you feel. Once that trust is broken… it’s like you’re afraid you’ll never get it back again. With anyone.” 

You turn to look at him but his face is pointed back out to the yard. As willing as Josh is to discuss matters like this with others, his own relationships he’s always been private about. He’s had a few relationships that you know of in the years that you’ve known him – some men, some women. You’d met only a handful of them in person but he’d never seemed to allow anyone in your little circle to actually get to know them other than Jake. You had no idea that maybe he’s gone through something similar. 

“Sometimes I just… It feels like I’m never going to find my person. And all this-” You gesture towards the door and the Valentine’s Day festivities that lay beyond it, “just didn’t really help at all. It feels like everyone has someone but me.”

A warm, steadying hand lands on your shoulder and you swear that a tingle runs up the length of your spine at the touch. Josh’s eyes glitter in the light of the night sky and the porch light casts shadows across his sharp jawline. And as you look at him, it feels like you’re seeing him, really seeing him for the first time. And he’s beautiful. 

“You’ll find your person, Y/n. I know you will. You’re too nice of a person to not.”

You can feel your cheeks grow hot. 

“Thank you, Josh. That means a lot.”

“Of course.” He grins, dropping his hand from your shoulder at last. “That’s what friends are for, right? Helping each other out when we’re down?”

For some reason, his words make you pause. You and Josh have been friends for so long and you’d only ever seen him as a friend. But now, standing next to him and thinking back to all the years of kindness and laughter that he’s given you… you’re struck suddenly with the thought that maybe you don’t just want to be friends with him. You’ve always been able to acknowledge that he’s attractive. And he makes you laugh like no one else can. Always there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on. Hell, he’s been one of the only constants in your ever-changing life. And he’s-

You shake your head at yourself. He’s just a friend. He’d just said so himself. 

“I wish more people were like you, Josh.” You find yourself saying softly. “You’re one of the good ones.”

He blushes – the apples of his cheeks flushing a dark red that reaches all the way down his neck too. Has he always blushed this much around you? First earlier when you’d complimented his drink making and now… Surely not. Right?

“You just have to be patient.” He tilts his head and grins, nudging your shoulder playfully with his. “And hey, if you can’t find someone else you can always give dating me a try.” 

You don’t mean to but you laugh, perhaps a little harder than you should have. The idea has your heart pounding in your chest and you desperately don’t want him to see how much the joke affected you. A desperate wish that bleeds into regret as you watch the light in his eyes dim ever so slightly as you laugh. 

You want to take it back. You want to tell him that maybe you’ve been blind this whole time and not seen what was right in front of you. But he only smiles tightly and straightens himself, popping his back and rolling his neck before beginning to turn away. 

“I suppose I should get back inside. I’m being a terrible host by hiding out here.” 

With that, he turns on his heel to begin walking back inside but his name explodes past your lips before you can stop it. 

“Yeah?” 

The hope in his voice makes your stomach drop. 

“I-” You don’t know. You don’t know what to say. You don’t even know if these feelings are real. Have they been here this whole time, hiding under the surface? Or did it take you getting heartbroken by someone else to see the kindness that he’s been offering for years? There’s so many questions swirling through your head and you can’t seem to even form a full thought. Defeatedly, you shake your head. “Never mind. I’ll see you later.”

Josh stares at you for a long, tense moment before nodding his head. 

“I’ll see you later, Y/n.” 

You turn away before you see him leave but the sound of the back door shutting makes you wince. Should you have told him how you feel? Hell, you don’t understand how you’re feeling so you don’t even know what you would have told him anyway. 

Regardless, you can’t shake the feeling that you’ve just made a mistake. You’ve spent years desperately wishing for true love. Dates with people had come and gone and Alex had just been the first person who seemed to want the same from a relationship as you. No one had expected you to date them. No one had expected the two of you to last as long as you did. And honestly? You hadn’t expected it either. Alex was… comfortable. Safe. 

You’d been so caught up, so desperate to find love… and maybe it’s been right in front of you all along. He has been right in front of you. And you just let him walk away. 

Frantically, you whirl around to go and find him but stop short at the sight of Josh shoving the door open and coming back outside. He looks frenzied but determined as he strides over to you. You’re frozen in place, but with each step that he takes you grow more and more certain about the warmth spreading through your chest. Yes, he really had been right here all along. 

Josh stops. He’s so close that you can feel the warmth of his breath. 

“Y/n.” His voice is soft – quiet but just as determined as his steps had been. “I couldn’t- I had to come back. I couldn’t not tell you.” He rambles, his dark eyes pinning you in place before him. “I know we’re just friends and- and I know that you don’t-” 

“Josh,” you interrupt, “I love you too.”

“What?” 

He’s utterly still, jaw dropped open and eyes gaping at you. If your heart wasn’t pounding so hard you think you might laugh at the sight of Josh Kiszka rendered speechless. 

“I said I love you too. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it before… but I do, Josh.” 

His mouth remains open for a long moment and you think for one brief, horrible second that you’ve made a mistake and he doesn’t feel the same. But then his lips spread into a wide smile that makes your heart melt. 

“You- you love me?” 

You nod. 

“And I’m sorry that I didn’t realize it sooner.” 

He huffs, the noise a mix between a sigh and a laugh before he takes a step even closer, his lips hovering just above yours. He pauses there, waiting. You give him a slight nod and then his lips are on yours – soft and pillowy and oh so warm against your own. With a soft whine, your hands find perchance on his shoulders while his palms settle on your cheeks, thumbs caressing your cheek bones. The heat of him is delicious and you use your grip on his shoulders to pull him in closer to you. He answers with a breathy moan into your mouth that sends liquid fire pooling between your legs.  

“Y/n.” Your name escapes him with a sigh, his lips parting from yours for a moment to breathe. “I’ve dreamed of this.” 

“Yeah?” You whisper, lips ghosting over his once again, just barely touching. “Just of kissing me?”

He catches his bottom lip between his teeth and shakes his head, curls bouncing. 

“Much more than that.” 

“Show me?” 

Josh answers you with a Cheshire grin and turns his head to look over his shoulder at the party still going on inside. 

“Think they’ll notice that I’m gone?”

“We can be quick.” 

He shakes his head and grins but laces his fingers with yours and begins to tug you towards the door. 

“No. We won’t.” 

“You can’t just leave.” You start to protest but Josh silences you with a grin. 

“They’ll take the hint and leave eventually. We’ll worry about cleaning up tomorrow.”

– 

You barely notice the people as Josh leads you through them and none of them seem to notice the two of you as you both slip up the stairs. It feels like a dream as he tugs you through the threshold of his bedroom, shutting the door behind you with a soft ‘click.’ 

“So many dreams and so little time.” He murmurs, hands finding your hips and guiding you backwards until the backs of your thighs hit the bed. 

Josh kisses you again before pulling back and letting the moment hold for a moment. You take in your surroundings. The soft, white bed sheets. The warm glow of the lamp in the corner and the smell of incense. The room screams Josh – cluttered but organized, comfy.  

“But enough time,” Josh continues, palms sweeping down your sides, “that we can do as much or as little as you want tonight.” 

Josh is selfless in everything else that he does and you can’t help but smile knowing that he's selfless in here too. 

“I want you.” Is all your brain can manage to come up with. 

But it does the trick given the way Josh’s eyes glitter with mischief as his fingers dance across your shoulders and hook underneath the straps of your dress. 

“Can I take this off?”

You nod and he slides the fabric down, letting it pool around your ankles and leaving your bra and panties on display for him. You’d gone with black lace and based on the groan that rumbles in his chest, it was the right choice. Before undressing you further, Josh tugs his own shirt up and over his head and tosses it haphazardly to the floor. His khakis are next and you exhale shakily as you take in his smooth, creamy skin. His body is lithe and toned, muscles defined but still slim. There’s something effortlessly graceful about his body and you reach out a hand to feel him, a palm settling on his pec and the other hand grabbing his waist and squeezing. 

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” His words come out husky and a little gruff and your core pulses. “Bra off then on the bed.” 

You comply, unhooking your bra and letting it fall to the floor before jumping up and scrambling backwards until your back hits the wall of plush pillows guarding the head board. He follows you, climbing onto the bed and settling onto his knees between your thighs. Chocolate eyes sweep up to yours, somehow filled with an almost innocence despite what the two of you are about to do. 

“Can I taste you, Y/n?” He pleas– and it is a plea. 

You want to nod. To let him use that pretty mouth on you for as long as he pleases. But years of insecurity – insecurity that’s only been made worse after recent events, bubbles to the surface. 

“I- I didn’t shave. You don’t have to.” You hate how weak your voice sounds. You hate that you feel like this. You hate how every single cell in your body wants to close your thighs and hide from him despite the love that you see swirling through his eyes. 

“I want to.” Josh answers, warm hands finding purchase on your thighs. “And I don’t care about whether or not you shaved, Y/n. It’s your body that you’re choosing to share with me.” His thumbs trace small, soothing circles into your skin. “But if you don’t feel comfortable that’s okay too.” 

You take a deep breath. You let all those insecurities that have welled up recently come to the forefront of your mind. You let yourself feel each one. And then you let them go. 

“Y-you can. You can taste me.”

Josh smiles softly, the weight of your trust not lost on him as he leans down and slides your panties down your legs. Already soaked, Josh hums at the sight. 

“Stunning.” He says, swiping a finger through your folds and earning a cry from between your lips. 

Hooking his arms beneath your thighs and dropping his body to lay against the mattress, Josh pulls your glistening center flush against him and sucks your clit into his mouth. He rolls his tongue around the swollen bud and your hips buck up to meet the feeling. 

“Oh fuck.” You whine, eyes shut tightly against the onslaught of pleasure. 

His tongue works over you effortlessly, switching between circling around your clit and slipping into your entrance. The sound is obscene. Your wetness coupled with the way Josh moans into your heat has the band of pleasure in your lower belly beginning to tighten already. It’s like he somehow knows exactly what you like the most – effortlessly coaxing you to the edge. He’s groaning into you, head thrashing from side to side and his own hips pushing down into the bed.

“Josh.” You warn, your body beginning to tense as the white hot pleasure keeps building. 

“Cum in my mouth, mama. I need it.” 

With one last lick of his tongue against you the wave breaks. With a loud cry, you let the pleasure overtake you and Josh keeps working you through it, making sure to give you the most pleasure he can as your orgasm works its way through you. 

Finally, he sits up and wipes his mouth against the back of his hand. 

“How was that?” 

It’s an innocent question but the cocky grin he’s sporting lets you know that he knows exactly how good it was. 

“Fuck.” Is all you manage to say and Josh giggles. 

“Eloquent.” 

Josh sits up and you can see his cock straining through the fabric of his boxers, his flushed tip trapped underneath the waistband. Even covered you can see that he’s big. You’d always known that he was – his jumpsuits leave little to the imagination. But seeing it like this, hard and leaking for you, makes your breath stutter in your chest. You reach out to feel him but he stops you, shaking his head and grinning. 

“Not done yet.” Is all he says before his fingers find your wet folds again. 

Slowly, he presses a finger in and you whine, legs falling apart wider as he curls the digit. He’s watching you intently, noting every shift of your hips and every change in expression as he explores your body, finding what makes you tick. His finger brushes against your sweet spot and you cry out his name. 

“Oh fuck, Josh. Right there.” 

He grins. 

“There it is.” 

He adds another finger, scissoring them to stretch you but making sure to brush that spot over and over again as he does so. You’re a whining mess beneath him, embarrassingly close to cumming again already. No one has ever paid attention like this – actually taking the time to learn your body and its responses in order to maximize your pleasure. Maybe it's that thought that has you about to reach climax again. 

“You gonna cum on my fingers, Y/n?”

You nod your head, unable to form words as he pumps his fingers in and out of you. 

“Yeah? I can feel you squeezing them, baby. You can cum, angel. Just let it go.”

Your body trembles and shakes all over as you cum and Josh moans in delight at the sight of you surrendering to pleasure, at the sight of the pleasure that he is giving you. This one lasts longer than the last and Josh works you through every second of it until you're panting and shying away from the touch as the oversensitivity hits you. 

“Good?” He murmurs, eyes practically black as they stare at you. 

“Very, very good.” You answer with a lazy, satiated smile. “Are you going to fuck me now?” 

Josh’s tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip and your eyes track the movement. You want him. You want him so bad it aches. 

“Only if you want me to. We don’t have to do anything else tonight.”

Of course he didn’t expect more from you. And you’re 100% certain that if you asked him to, he’d lay down and go to bed with you right now despite how hard his aching member must be. But you don’t want that. You want him. All of him. 

“I want you to, Josh. I need you to fuck me.”

A soft, delicate little whine escapes him. 

“Okay.” 

Wordlessly, he reaches over to his night stand and opens a drawer. His hand disappears inside it before reappearing with a condom in hand. He palms himself once with his right hand through his boxers before hooking his fingers in the waistband and tugging them down. 

You never knew that a cock could be so fucking pretty. 

He rips the foil with his teeth and rolls the latex over his length, hissing as he does so. 

You let your legs fall apart and beckon him to you. With dark eyes, Josh pumps his length in his hand once, twice, before he guides himself into your soaked entrance. He’s big, the stretch causing a delicious mix of pleasure bordering on pain. He moans as he bottoms out and your hands latch onto his shoulders and your fingertips dig into the muscle. 

“Fuck, you feel good.” You moan, already aching for him to move. 

“And you feel like satin, angel. So fuckin’ tight.”

Slowly, Josh pulls almost all the way out of you before sliding back in again. His arms come to rest on either side of your head, his weight resting on his forearms. With each snap of his hips you can’t help but moan. Every movement, every inch of him, sends sparks of pleasure through your entire body.  Sex with Alex had been rough – frenzied and almost mindless. But this? This is worship. 

“Don’t stop.” You beg, heels digging into his hips to keep him close. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” His voice sounds wrecked – cracked and broken with his own pleasure. 

“You’re so good.” You find yourself mumbling, eyes squeezing shut. “So fucking good, Josh.”

You can feel his length twitch and pulse inside of you as soon as the words leave your mouth. He likes knowing that he’s making you feel good. 

“Wanna make you cum, mama. Wanna make you feel good.” He whines, jaw dropping open and face contorting in pleasured agony. 

You nod your head frantically, tits bouncing as he picks up his pace. 

“Feels so good. Oh fuck!” Your own voice sounds foreign to you – high pitched and almost squeaky. You’re losing yourself in the pleasure, his cock hitting your sweet spot perfectly. 

“Please cum, baby. Cum on my cock. I need to feel it.”

His right hand slips into the heated space between your bodies and his finger finds your clit, ruthlessly swirling the pad of his finger in time with his thrusts. 

“Fuck I’m gonna cum, Josh. Please, please, please.”

“You don’t have to beg, baby.” He grits out, his pace beginning to falter as your walls clench mercilessly around him. “Gonna take care of you. Gonna get you there.”

It hardly takes a minute more before the band snaps. With a harsh scream, your orgasm rips through you. Stars explode behind your eyes and any thoughts that you had have been ripped from you. All you can focus on is the pleasure as Josh keeps fucking you through your high. The only words you can think of fall from your lips in a breathy whine. 

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Josh cries out harshly, his own body tensing as he finally lets himself reach his own climax. 

“Oh fuck, I’m cumming. Y/n.” His words are almost a growl, rumbling from deep within his chest as his orgasm hits him fully. “I love you too. Fuck, I love you so much.”

With one last thrust of his hips the two of you finally settle, Josh’s weight coming down to pin you to the mattress as you both come back to yourselves. He doesn’t pull out, allowing the intimacy of the moment to stretch on. 

“My God.” You mumble, your throat feeling raw from screaming. 

Josh leans down to capture your lips with his, his tongue exploring your mouth lazily for a moment before he draws back. 

“I love you, Y/n.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry I took so long.” 

“I would have waited even longer so long as I got to have you in the end.”

You pull him down to kiss him again. 

“You have me.”

♡︵‿♡︵‿♡‿︵♡‿︵♡

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Reconnect (myg x reader)

Pairing: Idol!Min Yoongi x black!wedding designer!female! Reader

Word Count: 6K+

Warnings: fluff, established relationship, mentions of secret relationship, mentions of a wedding(but not Yoongi and the reader’s), reader and Yoongi are engaged, Smut(18+ but I don’t control what you consume), unprotected sex(please speak to your partners before engaging in this), vaginal sex, squirting, creampies, riding, doggy style, mating press/missionary, oral(f receiving), soft dom Yoongi(he’s super soft and vocal but also goes kind of rough😊), rough sex, multiple orgasms(f and m receiving), brief aftercare and mentions of amazing aftercare, reader has goddess locs(color and length not specified), reader also has that Wendy’s Strawberry Lemonade kitty, reader also also has nipple piercings, reader got a fat ass because who doesn’t appreciate a nice booty?

A/N: Hi! This is my second time uploading something. I’ve had this story in my drafts for a while. I had been writing it using she/her pronouns so I’ve been spending the past few days to change those to you/yours. If I missed any, I’m sorry but please let me know so I can make the story more cohesive. Reader is black but their skin color isn’t really described but I believe I referred to their nipples being dark so that’s it. My next post with either be a GreekMythology!Jimin or a Gamer!Jungkook. The Jimin story is actually really long so I think I’ll turn it into a small series but I’ll post the 1st chapter sometime next week. Thanks again for reading! Criticism is greatly accepted and I hope my black and melanated girlies feel good reading this! Have a good day.

~

“I’m sorry, baby. I know I said we’d have dinner but we have to do some last minute recording.”

You tried not to sound disappointed when you replied. “That’s okay. I understand.” And you truly did. You knew how important his job was and that it would be a priority of his.

You just wished that it didn’t take so much of his time. You understood that his music was his life and that it was his dream career. All of his hard work had led up to being able to do what he does now; to make music and inspire the millions of fans that listened. You were so proud of him. Seeing him live his dream filled you with a different kind of pride and emotion. He was happy and that’s all you ever wanted for him.

Still, you missed him. You two had barely spent any time together the past month while he’s been preparing for their new album. He’d come home long after you’d fallen asleep and he’d sleep into the afternoon, just to rise and immediately get ready to go again. You couldn’t even have breakfast together like you used to. You could barely even start a conversation before he was cutting you off with a kiss and rushing out of the door.

While you had your own career of designing wedding dresses, you still had so much free time on your hands. You had already designed your newest collection and it was currently in production to be created. You’ve even made multiple visits to a few stores and they were running amazingly. There was only so long you could bury yourself in work before your heart began yearning for Yoongi’s companionship.

“I promise when this is finished, we’ll go on a trip. Just you and me.”

That made you smile. You and Yoongi have traveled a lot together over the years; Bora Bora, Italy, The Maldives—and each experience had been just as memorable and romantic as the last. He proposed to you in Italy at the Orange Gardens. It was such a magical moment. Just thinking about it made you want to cry. The entire trip was just absolutely perfect; from taking a gondola ride on the gorgeous waters to the 5 Star hotel they stayed in for 3 days and 2 nights, all the way to the candlelit dinner where he got down on one knee. You remember it fondly.

While the promise of a trip together didn’t fix your loneliness now, it gave you something to look forward to.

You couldn’t fight the smile in your voice. “Okay.” Your eyes went over to the stove where dinner was cooking. You had just finished searing some steaks that were finishing up in the oven. There was no point of putting them away for him to eat later. They wouldn’t be as flavorful or tender.

“Hey, is it okay if I bring you some dinner? I know you haven’t eaten yet.” Your tone shifted to one of slight teasing but you knew you were right. His pause of silence was proof enough.

“You don’t have to do that, baby.”

“I want to though. I made steak and I’ll feel better knowing you’ve eaten. I won’t stay long or distract you.” Just knowing he had a home cooked meal would make you happy. You would nag him constantly about drinking too much coffee and eating take out. It came from a place of love, however and Yoongi never minded. He loved having someone so attentive to his health when he’d blatantly ignore it. It showed you cared. Also, he secretly loved being babied by you. He’d never admit it out loud or to his friends but you knew. There was nothing better than coming home, a bath prepared for him to soothe his sore muscles, a meal on the table, and cuddling into your soft breasts while your rubbed his back—always being careful with his shoulder.

Your already nurturing nature and tendency to baby Yoongi increased tenfold once he got surgery. You barely let him leave the bed, even following him to the bathroom to make sure he didn’t hurt himself. A little bit stifling but he was so grateful to you. You always took care of him.

“Then that sounds great. I’ll leave my door open for you. I love you, baby.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

With a giddy pep in your step, you finished cooking dinner, packaging it nicely in cute Tupperware before putting it in a bag. You had already showered and your clothes were fine but you wondered if you should put on something different. While Yoongi thought you looked good in anything, you still liked to look pretty for him; wearing dresses and heels whenever you went out, keeping your nails and toes done, and making appointments to get waxed every month. Self care was important to you. It not only made you feel good about yourself but it was also something you just liked to do for your husband.

Deciding to change your clothes, you slipped on a t shirt maxi dress that hugged and showed off all of your curves, along with some short open toed shoes to show off your freshly painted white toes. It was simple but still dressy and feminine, just your style.

Checking your hair once more in the mirror and smearing on some lip gloss, you grabbed the bag of food and your keys before exiting your home.

~

HYBE Studios was a pretty moderate drive from your apartment. The reason for that is to keep crazy fans from ever finding it. Once the company realized other idols were having their homes broken into, there was a decision to move all of the boys about 30 minutes from the company in a luxury gated neighborhood. You had to admit, you missed your old apartment you shared with Yoongi since that was their first place together but you also couldn’t complain about the walk in closet and the jacuzzi bathtub.

You greeted the security guard in front of the car garage, him lifting the block to the garage. After parking close to the company cars that were often used to transport the boys during RunBTS, you exited your car and made your way through the side door to the lobby.

You nodded at the secretary, everyone already knowing who you were and letting you pass with no issue.

Yoongi’s studio was on the 8th floor at the end of the hall. Namjoon’s was just a short distance away as well.

Once you reached his door, you entered the pin code on the keypad. Besides a few staff members and the boys, you were one of the few with the password to his studio. He just preferred silence and no disruptions so the code was only used during emergencies or whenever you or the boys came to visit. There was also a group chat for everyone with his code, adorably named ‘The Plastics’, courtesy of Taehyung. If they ever needed to come to his studio, they’d send a text beforehand so he’d know to expect them.

The beep sounded and you opened the door, smiling at the sight of your husband who was cutely leaned over on his right palm as his eyes scanned the production screen for his music. You didn’t get most of it but you always found it adorable when he’d try to explain. He’d get so invested in telling you how reverb and delay could either make or break a song that he’d never see how endearingly you’d stare at him. And he’d always get surprised when you’d lunge to bite his cheek.

“You are just too adorable! I have to bite you!”

His headphones were around his neck so he turned at the sound of his door opened, a smile immediately rising to his face at the sight of you. He removed his headphones, standing to greet you.

You could barely put the food down before his hands were around you waist, pulling you in for a hug. You wrapped your arms around his neck, cuddling into his body as you inhaled his cologne and the gentle scent of his favorite body wash.

He pulled away a little to press a few pecks to your forehead. “Hi baby.” His deep, slightly tired voice sent shivers down you spine. It was almost like his regular voice was just his morning voice constantly and out of all of the little things you loved about him, his voice was towards the top of your list—right after his newly grown out hair, his hands, and that little habit of him slurping whenever he’d explain things.

You inhaled a deep breath, basking in the affection. “Hi.”

You two just held each other for a moment, locked in an embrace and not wanting to let go. This was your special kind of intimacy, just not speaking or moving, simply holding one another.

Yoongi considered himself a pretty private person. A little ironic considering he was a world famous idol who’s whole job was being put in the spotlight. However, when it came to his personal relationships, he did his best to keep that as private as possible. Just imagine the uproar when people found out he was engaged. You had been hidden from the public eye for 3 straight years before you got engaged. How? One part extreme luck, the other part moving quietly. Your relationship started off with you meeting for the first time at a staff member’s wedding. You had designed her dress and she was so amazed and in love with how you created her dream dress that she insisted you come to her wedding. Always happy to see people overjoyed with your work and excited to see your design in action, of course you agreed. Coincidentally, you were sat pretty close to the table the boys were at. When you recognized them, you softly smiled and introduced yourself, expressing how you were a fan and how many women said they were using BTS songs as their wedding songs. Yoongi was drawn in instantly, your gentle voice and sparkling eyes as you talked about your clients drew him in. He could tell you were passionate about your career, just like he was.

After exchanging numbers while the bride and groom were cutting the cake, you two mainly texted and called each other in your free time. It took about 4 months for you to go on their first date since Yoongi had to go to America for promotions. He thought you’d lose interest since he traveled and couldn’t take you on a proper date but you never minded. You liked talking to Yoongi and found yourself developing feelings for him. He was trying and effort was one of your biggest green flags for a partner. A little distance wasn’t that big of a deal to you. Of course, you wanted to be able to be close to him and hold his hand and maybe even kiss but you knew what you were signing up for when you started talking.

Once Yoongi went on break, he started dedicating a lot of time to you; dates, inviting you to his place for dinner and wine, and learning more about you. He didn’t think you would get along so well. Talking on the phone was vastly different than being in each other’s physical presence but you had melded together like the pieces of a puzzle. You were so gentle and compassionate, always looking after him and giving him affection he hasn’t gotten in years. You were perfect for him and vice versa.

Your eyes slowly blinked up at him, just taking in his handsome features. You could spot the bags under his eyes, feeling a little sad that he was running himself ragged.

“You look tired. Have you slept since his morning?”

He hummed. “I took a little nap around lunch. The new couch came in.” You turned a little to look at the new addition to his studio. Before, he just had a small leather couch, moreso for decoration than comfort. Once he got a bigger studio, he upgraded his furniture but kept that couch. After some prodding from you, he ordered a new and more comfortable couch—one that could become a pull out bed for those overnights at the studio.

“It looks great.” It was a dark grey color, wide and stretched enough to fully support 2 people if you wanted to spoon on it.

“Yeah. I just didn’t think it would take that long to get it in the door. Namjoon almost knocked over my synthesizer.” He said that with a shake of his head. You giggled, imagining the tall and clumsy man scrambling to pick up the keyboard.

“I can only imagine. I brought food. You should eat it before it gets cold. I should go.” You tried pulling away from him only for him to tighten his grip on your waist. You let out an “oof” as your face met the hard planes of his chest. All that physical therapy and time in the gym had really bulked him up. While you loved his body regardless, you definitely weren’t complaining about the extra muscle. He was filling out this black shirt just fine.

He nuzzled his nose in your neck, inhaling your favorite perfume that you’ve worn since he met your. It was one of his favorite scents. His hands rubbed up and down your back, feeling all over the material of your dress.

“No, stay. Eat with me.”

Yoongi could be very affectionate and straightforward when he wanted to be, normally when you were alone. He’d never show this side in public. Not because he was ashamed of his love for your, far from that. He just preferred to keep their intimate moments private. Maybe a little kiss here and there and some hand holding but moments like this were for you only.

Your manicured fingers went to his nape, scratching at the hair there. “I don’t want to distract you.”

“You’re not.” He pulled back to look you in eyes. “I want you to eat with me. I feel bad we couldn’t have dinner at home.” And he did. He knew his job demanded a lot of his time and attention and even if you understood that, it didn’t stop him from feeling guilty about leaving you alone all the time. He knew you could entertain yourself and had your own life outside of him but he still felt bad not being able to spend as much time with you as he wanted. He missed you just as much. While he loved his job, nothing beat coming home to your warmth and affection. To be honest, he was getting a little touch starved.

He led you over to the couch, waiting for your to sit before going to the mini fridge in his studio.

“Do you want juice?” He asked as he pulled out a couple of drinks. He always kept some of your favorites in his mini fridge just in case. You didn’t drink caffeine or really any alcohol, water and juices were your favorites.

You nodded your head, beginning to take out the Tupperware containers. They were still nice and hot. He placed a juice down on the table, along with an energy drink. You frowned at that, leaning forward to pick it up.

“You need to drink water. Don’t think I haven’t noticed those coffee cups on your desk.”

He rolled his eyes and sighed but couldn’t hide his smile. You were too good to him. Sometimes he felt like he didn’t deserve you. Taking the energy drink from you, he went back to the fridge to grab a water instead.

Ignoring the smug smile on your face, he sat next to you, waiting for you to open all of the containers. The smell was delicious, making his stomach growl.

Your handed him some chopsticks and a few napkins before sliding the steak over to him. “Here. Try it.”

You ate in silence, him using his chopsticks to place some pieces of steak and vegetables in your bowl. You smiled, the cute ways Yoongi showed he cared always making your heart warm. Fans knew he was more subtle in showing he cared and that wasn’t any different than him in private. You had to learn that his love language was acts of service but in a more quiet way.

After you finished eating, he helped clean up the containers, giving you some wipes to clean your hands and the table.

He let out of a groan as he sat back down on the couch, belly full and fully ready for a nap. But he knew he had to get back to work and that meant you had to leave.

“Thanks, baby. It was delicious.” His hand came to rest on your thigh, rubbing the soft skin. You hummed, placing your hand on top of his.

“Of course. I’m happy you liked it.” You both rested for a moment before you began moving. “I should go. You have work to do.”

You barely made it to your feet before he was tugging you back down on his lap. A surprised yelp came from your lips at the sudden movement, ass meeting his thighs when you landed. He situated you so that you straddled his hips, his hands immediately going to your ass.

“Baby….” You pouted, feeling a little shy all of a sudden. You were normally the one who initiated physical affection so for Yoongi to do it so roughly surprised you. You weren’t complaining, however. The way his eyes were hooded over and how he looked up at you with that dark endearment made your belly tingle. You knew where this was going.

“Stay.” His left hand pressed your body down so your chest squished against his. “You come here in this dress and my favorite shoes…”

You adjusted yourself to wrap your arms around his neck. “I hardly wear these.”

He shrugged. “I love anything you wear. You look so sexy.” His hand traveled up your dress, moving it up your ass so he could grope full handfuls of the fat. While Yoongi appreciated all parts of your body, your ass was his favorite. Genetics, exercise and a little bit of happy weight had all accumulated into jiggly ass he loved to squeeze and slap. When you met, you were pretty thin but in shape nonetheless. Fans speculated that you gained ‘happy relationship weight’ since Yoongi treats you right. Whatever the reason, he thanks the higher power every day for it.

You could feel the heat beginning to spark between you, along with Yoongi’s growing boner pressing against your panties. Now that you thought about it, it’s been a little while since you’ve been intimate. You and Yoongi have barely had any time for quickies, let alone a full session of sex. And you two could go for hours if you wanted. On the day of your engagement, you barely left the hotel room because you couldn’t keep your hands off him. How could you? He was your fiancé. Mmm, that word just got you hot and bothered.

Your hands ran up his neck and into his hair, scratching at his scalp. The low hum of contentment that came from him spurred you on. You brought your faces closer together, lips hovering before you trapped him in a kiss. He hummed again, lifting his head to kiss you deeper, hands still squeezing at your ass.

Your kiss grew more heady, both of your hands massaging each other and trying to stroke any piece of skin you could. Yoongi began pushing against you to make your roll your hips against him. His cock could probably cut glass from how hard he was. You always got him excited with barely doing anything. To be honest, he started getting hard the moment you entered the room. Just your presence got him feeling almost immediately horny.

And it was the same for you. Your cunt had began getting wet the moment Yoongi turned around in his chair. He just looked so comfortable and effortlessly sexy and the way his muscles strained against that shirt made your imagination run wild.

You pulled away to inhale a deep breath. “Yoongi….please…”

His lazy smirk sent a rush straight to your already wet pussy. “What do you need, baby? Tell me.”

God he was such a tease but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t absolutely love it.

“I need you.”

That was all he needed before he moved to flip you onto your back. You bounced against the soft couch cushions, barely getting your bearings before he was back on you, pressing his lips to yours.

His large hands traveled up your dress, lifting it over your belly and breasts. He leaned back to get a look, letting out a groan at the absolute beauty under him.

Your chest was heaving from just a little kissing, your goddess locks spread out under you, glossed lips plump and ready for more. You were so gorgeous and he made sure to let you know.

You squirmed under the compliment, feeling giddy and a bit bashful. You always received compliments and the occasional catcall and while you accepted the respectful ones gracefully, none of those ever mattered to you. Yoongi’s praise and compliments put you on cloud 9 and you really believed him.

His hands traveled up your body to your breasts, eyes catching something under your bra. He pulled the annoying piece of fabric down and if he could get any harder, he probably would.

“Fuck. You’re wearing your piercings? Did you come here to try and kill me?” The little diamonds sparkled under the light. He remembers buying the jewelry for your birthday last year. He also remembers sucking the sensitive nipples until you were crying just an hour later.

You giggled, biting your lip. “Of course not.”

His smirk widened. “You little sneak.” His hands went to grope at the soft flesh, a sigh falling from your lips. His thumbs ran lightly over the stiff peaks, pulling more sighs and little squeaks from your lips. Your nipples had gotten so much more sensitive after piercings. Yoongi couldn’t be too rough on them when you first got them, being careful of your healing process. He could barely touch them without you gasping in the slight pain from healing. Of course, he never complained, understanding your pain so he just stopped touching them. He just didn’t think it would test his control so much; seeing you walk around without a shirt sometimes, the already silky and delectable breasts looking more appetizing from the little barbells. Months had passed along with many maintenance appointments before you announced that they could be touched without pain. With the pain gone, your sensitivity skyrocketed and with Yoongi’s skilled tongue beginning their assault, your pleasure had been taken to a new level.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer and his mouth open to lick over your nipple. You let out a moan as his tongue swirled all around your piercing. He switched to the next one, giving it the same treatment.

The heat between your legs was becoming too much, your panties beginning to feel uncomfortable from how they were sticking to you.

“Yoongi….” You whined. His eyes lifted to lock on your flustered face, lips parted as puffs of air came through them, your eyes desperate and pleading for anything. Everything.

Reluctantly pulling away from your nipples, he helped you pull the dress from your body, tossing it somewhere in the room. Neither of you cared.

He kissed from your breasts to your tummy until he reached the apex of your thick thighs. You immediately dropped them open, revealing yourself to him. He groaned at your desperation but also at the sight of your soaked underwear. The thong barely covered anything, the baby blue fabric now dark from your arousal. It was practically leaking from you, the bottom of your ass shining. Kissing over the stretch marks that streaked down the inside of your thighs, he whispered words of praise to you.

“Fuck baby. You’re so fucking wet.” He couldn’t help himself, surging forward to suck on your clit through your panties. A shiver racked your body, your hands coming down to bury in his hair. The friction wasn’t as good with your panties still keeping his tongue from making direct contact with your clit but it was something. And it felt so good.

Your hips jerked against his face, trying to get more. His hands dug into the meat of your thighs, holding them open as his tongue licked at your clit.

More moans fell from your lips, pleasure causing your vision to go blurry. You felt so close already and he’s barely done anything. Blame it on you not having a proper orgasm for weeks. Your hands just didn’t feel the same and Yoongi had thrown out all of your vibrators once you two started having sex.

“You won’t need these anymore. All your orgasms should come from me.”

Now you were remembering why he threw them out in the first place. Only he could rip pleasure and orgasms from your body in seconds, playing your body like a piano.

Your hand came down your body, tapping against his forehead. He pulled away slightly, eyes searching your face for any sign of discomfort. You really only stopped him when you were shaking in overstimulation and he knew you hadn’t even cum yet so why were you stopping him?

When he pulled back, you grabbed onto your panties, pulling them aside to reveal your fat and dripping pussy to him.

How the hell did he get so lucky? Did he save orphans in his past life or something? Not only had he managed to put a ring on a kind, generous, and absolutely amazing person who treated him like a King and opened up the deepest parts of him, he also managed to snag a submissive, slutty, and needy woman who could ride his cock for hours and bend in ways he’s only dreamed of.

There was no way.

Eyes darkening in lust, he dove back in to capture your clit, licking at it more furiously than before. The heat from his mouth made that pressure build in your lower belly, your toes curling from their position in the air. Your loud moans only pushed him further, shoving 2 fingers in your tight heat. Your slick walls gripped his fingers so tightly that he could barely move them.

“Y-Yoongi! I’m gonna-“

He curled his fingers up, pulling away from your clit to lean up close to your face, his breath hitting your cheeks. “You gonna cum? You’re such a good girl.” He pressed some kisses to your open mouth, fingers thrusting in and out of your in a superhuman pace, veins and muscles in his arms shifting and bulging from the exertion.

When your orgasm crashed, you swore all of your senses except touch disappeared. You couldn’t hear and your vision blurred from the tears that had welled in your eyes. But Yoongi didn’t stop.

Your hand flew down to grab at his wrist, back arching as he continued his assault, helping you ride the huge wave.

He pulled his lip between his teeth. You were so sexy.

Once you came down, he slowly pulled his fingers from your, the digits glistening in your release. He sucked them into his mouth, moaning at the taste. He just couldn’t get enough.

Now he wanted more. Standing from the couch, he pulled off his own shirt and pants, taking his briefs with them. His hard cock slapped against his stomach, red at the tip and practically pulsing.

You bit your lip, thighs squeezing together as your pussy throbbed. Fuck you were so wet.

He flopped back on the couch, patting his lap. “Come ride this cock, baby.”

Not needing to be told twice, you crawled over into his lap, taking your bra and ruined panties off on the way.

His hands gripped your ass once you were straddled on his hips. You could feel the heavy weight of his cock pressing on your ass and it filled you with excitement.

Reaching your hand back, you gripped his cock, pumping it a few times. He groaned, head falling back against the couch at your touch.

Delivering a sharp slap to your ass, he growled, “stop teasing.”

His deep and demanding voice sent shivers down your spine. Never one to disobey, you lifted your hips, lining up his cock with your entrance. You rubbed the tip over your opening to gather some of your wetness before you slowly began sinking down on him.

A moan came from both of you as his thick cock began splitting you open. Your walls were squeezing him so tight that he felt like he could cum right there but he refrained. He wasn’t even all the way inside yet.

Your mouth was dropped open as his cock stretched you open, head tossed back and eyes closed as you basked in the feeling. Each ridge and vein was pressing against you in the most delicious way, the slight curve pressing against that spot deep inside of you. You felt like you could cum again just like this.

Once your ass met his thighs, you both let out sighs. Not only from pleasure but from being able to be close like this. This is what you needed; this closeness, this union, this intimacy. Sex was so much more to you than just getting off. It bonded you and brought you closer than ever, love spilling over and intertwining your hearts and souls.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in for a sweeter and more sensual kiss.

“I love you…” you whispered against his lips.

“I love you too.”

Your hips began rolling against him, slowly at first to get accumulated to the stretch. He assisted you with one hand on your ass and one on your hip.

Before long, you began raising your hips, falling back down on his lap. The low clapping sounds spurring you on.

Yoongi groaned against your lips. “That’s it, baby. Faster.” With another sharp slap to your ass that made you moan, you bounced faster. Your ass jiggled each time it connected with his thighs and a part of him wished he could see it but the blissed out look on your face was too good to pass up.

Unwrapping your arms from his neck, you leaned back to get that perfect angle, your hands landing on his knees. A squeak fell from you as his tip began bullying your soft spot. Your head fell back, mouth dropped open as that delicious feeling began building in the pit of your stomach.

“Ah! Yoongi! Your cock feels s-so good!” You felt drunk, mind hazy and awareness faded. All you could focus on was the feel of him under you and the way his perfect cock slipped in and out. Your entire body felt like it was on fire, electricity spreading all the way to your fingertips and making your toes curl.

Yoongi couldn’t take his eyes off you. He didn’t even know where to look; your breasts, face, where you were connected? He could see how your arousal was dripping down to wet his pubic hair, a ring of your wetness coating the base of his cock. You were truly was a sight to behold.

That pressure was building faster than you thought. Sliding your hand down your body, your fingers connected with your clit, rubbing the nub in fast circles.

“Yoongi!”

He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. Your walls clenched and constricted around him, almost suffocating him. His hands rubbed at your nipples, flicking at the piercings. You were seeing stars, the stimulation was too much. His hands roaming you, your own fingers on your clit, and his cock inside of you was all too much.

That pressure…..

“I’m cumming!”

Your hips lifted from his cock, it falling out to slap against his stomach. Your fingers rubbed at your clit until some drips of liquid came out. The motion of your fingers caused the droplets to fly everywhere, some landing on the cushions as well.

Once you were done riding it out, he was flipping you back on the couch, head pressed into the cushions and ass up in the air. He delivered a few slaps to your ass, pulling some moans from your at the sting. Your head was swimming, the sudden movement making you a little dizzy but that dizziness quickly left when Yoongi entered you again.

His cock entered you in one swift motion, hips immediately working to push and pull against you. Your ass clapped back on his hips, the fat jiggling and rippling with every move. His own orgasm was just over the horizon.

“You are so fucking sexy.” Each word was punctuated by a thrust. “You come in here looking this good and then you bounce on my cock until you squirt? Why the fuck have I been spending all my time here when you’re at home?” He was really talking to himself. Only a true idiot would leave a hot piece of ass like this at home all day. And he must really be a true idiot, probably the dumbest man alive. But not anymore.

Your moans were rising in pitch. With this position, you could every inch, every curve, absolutely everything. You could barely breathe, your brain only being able to form utterances of his name and begs of faster and harder.

That feeling in Yoongi began cresting, balls drawing up as his orgasm washed over him. His hands gripped your hips and ass hard enough to bruise but you could care less. He could bruise you up all he wanted.

His orgasm spread from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, shuddering his whole body. “F-fuck….” He breathed out. That was probably the hardest orgasm he’s ever had in his life.

Your own breath began to even out. You thought that was the end but you were suddenly flipped around back on your back. Both of your legs were hiked up over his right shoulder, thighs pressing into your chest in Yoongi’s absolute favorite position.

“You think I’m done with you?” His smirk was teasing and it caused more arousal to drip from you. He reached his hand down to line himself up before pushing into your heat. A gasp came from your throat at the intrusion, your hands coming to grip at the back of his neck.

His hips set a brutal pace, balls wetly slapping against your ass.

“Oh my god! Y-Yoongi!”

It felt like he was in your throat, every thrust hitting you in all the right spots. Your nails scratched at his neck, the slight sting only pushing him harder. He could feel your walls tightening, a tell tale sign of your orgasm. Your breasts bounced with every push, dark nipples looking incredibly enticing.

“Cum, baby. That’s it.”

Your body seized up as your second orgasm full body absorbed you. Your vision spotted white and your ears were ringing.

But not even your orgasm made him stop or slow down. He pushed faster and harder, the squelching noises getting louder as more and more wetness spilled from you.

It was like your orgasm wouldn’t stop. Wave after wave came over you. Every nerve was lit on fire, your mouth dropped but no sound came out. He had taken every word from you.

When he felt you squirt on his cock again, he shoved his full cock inside. Your toes curled so hard that you could feel them crack, legs shaking but he held them tightly. Your hands smacked against his shoulders as the stimulation became too much. You were so full.

“Yoongi!”

“Take it. Take all that cock, baby.”

You had no choice but you didn’t care. You’d give up every choice if it meant he’d fuck you like this.

He rolled his hips against yours a few more times before his own orgasm washed over him. He groaned into your throat, a full body shudder racking his body.

Lifting his head, he connected your lips in a soft kiss, a complete turn from what just went down. You hummed against his lips, hands roaming his soft skin.

He moved your legs from his shoulders, massaging your slightly sore muscles as you kissed. You both let out small moans as he pulled out of your heat, his cum flowing out of you.

Yoongi helped you clean yourself up, giving you a large elastic to tie up your hair. The sweat would definitely make your roots curl back up but that was a problem for another day. You put your dress back on as Yoongi pulled his shirt and pants back on. Your underwear found themselves tucked into his back pocket. A little silly considering he had endless access to you pussy but you guessed it was some man thing.

When Yoongi went back to his computer, leaning over the chair to click at some things, you visibly deflated, mood dampening. Was he really going back to work? You guessed you did just come to drop off food, the sex was a bonus and you did say you would leave afterwards. You just couldn’t help but feel a little sad and used. Yoongi was the king of aftercare, always running you a bath or giving you cuddles as you two calmed down from lovemaking. It’s not like this one moment would make you think Yoongi didn’t care but you did feel a little defeated.

Gathering your things, you were about to approach the door but Yoongi’s voice stopped you.

“Where are you going?”

You didn’t turn to face him, feeling a little embarrassed. “Home. Aren’t you going back to work?”

A snort came from him. “Of course not.”

You gasped when his body pressed against your back, also the feeling of his boner was right on your ass.

“Yoongi….”

“You really think I’m about to work and let you go home so you can wash my cum out of you? I’m fucking you until you can’t walk.”

Maybe you should come to the studio more often.

[moonlit-stay]

Kinktober 2024 ▪ Day 25

▪ Pairing: Kim Seungmin x Female Reader

▪ Kink: Teasing

▪ Genre: Smut

▪ Word Count: 1.6k

▪ Warnings: Soft!Dom Seungmin, Sub!Fem Reader, established relationship, lots of teasing and build up, clit stimulation, fingering (f. receiving), unprotected sex, creampie

▪ Please let me know if I missed anything

Color(s) Of This Fic: Charcoal and Taupe <3

If you are under the age of 18, please do not interact with this fic. This fic contains inappropriate content and is strictly 18+

Everything in not only this event, but all of my work in general is consensual. Even if not stated within the work.

Enjoy :)

Kim Seungmin is a man of many mysteries with just as many layers to his personality and overall sense of humor.

He never fails to keep you on your toes with all his endearing antics throughout your relationship, and it's something you've grown quite fond of over the past couple of years you've spent together as a couple.

One thing you learned about Seungmin after the two of you started dating is how much he loves to taunt you with things he knows you want. Whether it be with something simple, like holding your favorite snack or beverage just out of your reach as he giggles at the way you jump at his outstretched hand; or something more serious, like refusing to give you what you need when you're pent up because you haven't been able to get off without him the entire week you spent away from him.

Normally, he keeps these specific antics lighthearted and short-lived, caving within a minute or two and handing you your snack or beverage with a bright smile as you lightly smack his arm, mirroring his smile.

Today, however, he couldn't help but prolong your suffering. He loves seeing you rely so heavily on him for things, and he loves knowing he's the only person who can give you what you need.

The night is late, and the house is dark, only the glowing lights from the TV illuminate the space around you and Seungmin. His eyes are glued to the living room TV screen as his attention involuntarily zeros in on you. You're tucked into his side, one of his arms lazily thrown around you as you ball your fists into the fabric of his hoodie. You can't help but press your thighs together as you nuzzle into the warmth of Seungmin's neck, your gentle breath causing goosebumps to rise on the surface of Seungmin's skin as you softly whisper to him.

"Please, Minnie..." you quietly whine out, your lips lightly brushing against his skin as you speak. "I need you."

Seungmin's smirk goes unnoticed by you as your face remains tucked into the crook of his neck, your thighs rubbing together to try and ease the ache between them. He grips at one of your thighs, sliding his hand between the plush skin just to stop your movements.

"Stop that, baby." He says lowly, relishing in the desperate whine that tears from your throat as he pulls your thighs further apart.

"I can't, Minnie...it hurts." You breathe out, the desperation turning your mind to mush as tears well in your eyes. "Please-"

Seungmin slowly trails his middle finger along your inner thigh, stopping right before he reaches where you need him most, just to hear more of your desperate pleas. He takes pity on you for only a moment, resting the pad of his middle finger against your bundle of nerves and rubbing slow circles until your breathing grows uneven. Then, he pulls away from you entirely, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees as he redirects his focus to whatever is playing on the TV.

You almost let out a cry at the loss of contact, warm tears gliding down your cheeks as your thighs close around nothing. Seungmin smirks once again, finding it to be increasingly difficult to deprive you of what you need, especially when you ask so nicely.

Even though he has every intention of giving you everything you need and then some, Seungmin has no plan of giving in that easily, not when he enjoys seeing you this needy for him. Through your haze of need, you briefly register the game he's playing, and without much thought, you act on pure need, evening the playing field to what you hope will be your advantage.

You hook your thumbs into the waistband of your shorts and panties, pulling them down your legs before you toss them onto the coffee table in front of Seungmin. His eyes snap to your form for only a few seconds before he quickly averts his gaze, almost glaring a hole through the TV screen.

You part your thighs, letting one of your legs slide across Seungmin's lap as you gasp at the cold air that hits your bare core. You gently grab Seungmin's right hand, guiding it to your heat until his palm is flat against your core. The shaky breath you let out at the contact, along with your dripping arousal against his palm has Seungmin fighting the urge to groan, his jaw clenching as a weak attempt to keep his composure.

You roll your hips against his palm, a loud moan tumbling past your lips at the friction as you repeat the action, your hips moving on their own accord as your mind grows foggy with pleasure. Seungmin caves and turns to watch you, your half-lidded, lust filled eyes gazing up at him as small moans spill endlessly past your lips. He feels like he's in a trance, his gaze locked with yours as you use him to get off. He can feel his length hardening with every passing second, and he knows he won't be able to keep up with this little game of his for much longer.

He kneels between your parted thighs, stilling your hips with his free hand and ignoring your loud whine of protest as he quickly stuffs two fingers inside your heat. You let out a yelp of surprise that is quickly replaced by choked moans as Seungmin immediately sets a fast, unrelenting pace. You know you won't last long, and you know that's exactly what Seungmin wants, driving you dangerously close to your high as he curls his finger to hit your g-spot with every steady thrust of his fingers.

Within no time, you're cumming around his digits, squirming beneath him as your thighs close around his hand. He slowly pulls his fingers out of your heat, hurriedly pushing the waistband of his sweatpants down until his length springs past the fabric.

"So needy, baby, can't ever keep your hands to yourself." He lightly tsks with a smirk, watching you roll your eyes as you wrap your legs around his waist to pull him closer.

"I asked you nicely," you whisper out, feeling him press his tip to your entrance.

"You did, didn't you?" He coos, pushing past your entrance as you stutter out your words.

"Mhmm, and y-you were-" your words are cut off by a sharp gasp as he bottoms out in one, swift thrust.

"I was what, baby?" He encourages you to continue, loving how quickly you lose your train of thought when he stuffs you full.

"You w-were being mean-" you quickly finish, your eyes rolling back when he sets a slow, steady pace.

Seungmin lets out a long, drawn-out moan, picking up his pace only slightly as he grips at your hips. You wrap your hands around his forearms for support as he fucks into you with more force, pulling sharp, high-pitched moans and gasps from your swollen lips.

"Couldn't help it, baby," he breathes out, his voice unstable as he continues to thrust into you, "love seeing you so needy for me."

You can only whine in response as Seungmin connects your lips in a hot, needy kiss. His lips are soft against yours, and you both struggle to kiss each other back as you both grow closer to your highs. You pant into his mouth, moaning between each kiss and he eagerly swallows each of your breathless moans before he kisses down your neck.

Each of his noises are muffled against your hot flesh, but each of your noises are loud and clear to Seungmin, only spurring him on as you cling to his toned body like a lifeline.

The amount of pleasure that floods each of your senses is mind-numbing, and you know it won't be long before you reach your second orgasm. Seungmin notices all your body's queues, and within seconds he's shoving a hand between your connected bodies to rub at your clit. He watches your eyes roll back as your mouth drops open in a silent scream, a loud, sharp gasp ripping through your silence a few seconds later as your thighs shake around him.

"Minnie-" you mewl out, your voice being cut off by moans.

"I know, baby, I know." He moans out, feeling your walls begin to pulse around him as his thrusts speed up to chase his high. "Let go for me."

That's all it takes to send you over the edge for a second time tonight, your thighs trembling around Seungmin's waist as your back arches off of the couch. Your eyes screw shut as your vision goes black, the pleasure from your orgasm knocking the air out of your lungs as you desperately grip at any part of Seungmin you can reach.

"It's okay, baby, I've got you." Seungmin interlocks his hands with yours, keeping you steady as his thrusts grow sloppy.

A loud gasp finally leaves your lips as air floods back into your lungs, your breathing ragged and uneven as you cling to Seungmin. It only takes a few more thrusts before Seungmin is cumming inside you with a choked moan, holding you securely against him as your cunt milks him dry.

He rests his forehead against yours, his eyes closing in ecstasy as you both let out shallow huffs of air. Eventually your breathing evens out as your heart rates steady, and Seungmin repositions you both so you're resting on his chest, both of you lazily watching the long-forgotten drama before sleep inevitably embraces you both.

Seungmin may love seeing you a needy mess for him, but he might love making you his needy mess just a little bit more.

Main Masterlist

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

▪ Author's Note

Had to include slightly mean and teasing Minnie in this event. The idea is just mouthwatering, how could I not?

▪ Taglist

@kpophubb @whatudowhennooneseesyou @skzgallll @ka0ila

Send me a DM or ask to be added to the taglist

▪ Extras

©2021 - 2024 all rights are reserved to Moonlit-Stay. Stealing, reposting, copying, translating, plagiarizing, and modifying any and all of my work is strictly prohibited.

Released: October 25th, 2024

Reblogs are greatly appreciated !

[no-phrogs-in-hats]

Grape Juice Stains

Larissa Weems x fem!reader

Warnings: brief implication of sex, hurt/comfort, angst, feelings of worthlessness, fluff

A/N: Completely self-indulgent. This is based on some recent events that happened to me, only I don't have a Larissa and I'm a cashier instead of a teacher--and it was with the Barbie movie, not a night on the town I'm okay I promise<3

In your opinion, it was a good morning–for a Monday. You woke up, ate breakfast, remembered to take your medication, and finally showered after days of struggling to even get out of bed. As you got ready for the day, you danced around the bathroom to ABBA with serotonin and confidence rushing through your veins.

With your makeup finished and hair done, you pulled on your new pair of pants and blouse, going downstairs to make your lunch. The quarters assigned to the Nevermore staff were small, but comfortable. You had spent many nights in this very kitchen with Principal Weems, letting dinner go cold as you ate a different meal. 

You were ready ten minutes early–a rare feat since you had started working anywhere. With the spare time you had, you scrolled through social media–Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram. The last two made you sick to your stomach with anger.

It was your idea to go out to Jericho Friday or Saturday night with the other teachers. Finals were right around the corner and the students had been running circles around everyone. Despite your efforts, everyone turned you down. You weren’t too fazed by it. You and Larissa ended up going out to a new restaurant in Burlington and you wouldn’t have had it any other way. But looking at your social media feed made you burn with hatred and fury.

Anger was the only thing that you could feel–anger and hurt. What was wrong? Was it something personal? Did they not like your company? You knew that you were sort of a black sheep to your coworkers–people you considered your friends at times. You had always felt a little out of place, and perhaps your relationship with Larissa did alienate you a bit. But you were always told you were pleasant, fun to have around, a joy to know. 

“Sorry, I’m gonna be out of town over the weekend.”

“Oh, I can’t. I’m so sorry! My parents are gonna be in town.”

“I’ve been absolutely exhausted all week! I’d like to recharge and catch up on grading. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay! Don’t worry about it!” you had said. Each, and every time. 

You took a deep breath and exited out of Instagram, shaking it off. You wouldn’t let this ruin your day. Realizing the time, you grabbed your water bottle filled with juice and dashed out the door, ready to greet your students at 9am. 

That was, until you were half-way to the castle and your bottle slipped out of your hand and the lid popped open on the pavement. Looking down, you weren’t surprised to see your new, pristine white pants stained pink with droplets of grape juice.

You had been worn thin for the past few weeks. From unruly students to coworkers who had no consideration for your feelings, this was the last straw. Despite the fact that students and staff alike were walking around, you finally broke down. Sobs raked through you, chest heaving and body shaking as you looked at your ruined pants and broken water bottle.

__________

“Where is she?”

“I heard someone say they saw her crying in the courtyard.”

“I hope she’s okay.”

“Obviously she’s not, she was crying.”

“Sometimes I cry for fun.”

“...what?”

A knock on the doorway brought the students from their conversation. Principal Weems stood there, confused. “Erm…where’s Ms. L/N?”

“That’s what we’re wondering,” a student answered. “Class started fifteen minutes ago and she’s not here.”

“Apparently she was seen crying in the courtyard.”

“Oh,” Larissa chirped. “Well, I’ll have Mr. Lang come in to substitute.” 

__________

Larissa made the trek up to the staff quarters, knocking on your front door softly. With no response, she took out the key you made for her specially and unlocked the door.

“Darling?” she called out, setting her keys down on the kitchen counter and creeping through the house. After checking the living room upstairs she walked down the hallway and opened your bedroom door slowly. “Sweetheart?”

You simply hummed in response.

“What’s wrong?” she asked before kicking her heels off and climbing into bed behind you. “Talk to me, please.”

Tears pooled in your eyes again and your voice cracked. “No one likes me here, Larissa.”

Her heart broke. “Oh, sweet pea,” she cooed, holding you close against her front, “that’s not true.”

“Yes, it is,” you sniffled. “They went out without me. After telling me they couldn’t go out. And then posted about it on Instagram and Snapchat. And then I spilled grape juice on my white pants and they’re ruined! Larissa, I–I–”

You couldn’t get any more words out as Larissa turned you over, holding you to her chest and allowing you to cry into her neck. “It’ll be okay, darling. Everything’ll be okay.”

When you calmed down, you pulled away and smiled softly as she pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I want you to know that you belong here. When you didn’t show up for class today, your students were so worried. They love you. I love you. And every teacher who went out without you Friday night is, frankly, an asshole.”

“I know,” you mumbled. “It just…It just hurts, is all.”

“Do you want me to fire them?” Larissa joked.

You giggled. “No! No, it’s okay.”

“Oh good,” she sighed. “Because it would be hell trying to replace that many teachers.” 

Around eleven, she managed to coax you out of bed after you had fallen asleep, making you lunch before taking you outside. In the small backyard, your stained pants sat on the cushioned chair that sat at a small table. A bucket of water was on the grass and you looked confused.

“When you fell asleep, I went into Jericho to the general store,” Larissa said. “I got some packs of grape Kool-Aid so we can dye your pants.”

“I love you.” You looked at her with all the love and warmth in the world. How you managed to get Larissa Weems, you didn’t know. But never in your life had you felt so loved, so cared for, so wanted. 

Larissa smiled and pulled you in for a kiss. “I love you too, sweet pea.”

[futurewriter2000]

Needing You

A/N: I'm going to pull so much of personal experience from this that even I might cry at the end but I don't cry so I let's see how far I have healed. Not even gonna lie, this was harder to write than I thought. - It deleted itself in the middle of it so I had to REWRITE IT- but it turned out better than the first time.

REQUEST 15: "Optional("hey! I love your writing, so here's a request: could you do a shot about Remus X fem Slytherin who's James sister and they both have a secret relationship, and when he (James) finds out, Remus and the reader have a really strong fight when he says something like "he's my best friend, you're only an experience" (be free to change this) and they both broke up, and the reader doesn't even talk to james but rather just... isolates herself. nended however you like but IM BEGGING make it like really sad =)nHave a fantastic day! &lt;;3.")" #wattpad

XX

The sky was clear as day. It was the night and you had decided to finally swallow your anxiety and go out with your brother's friend. Your brother didn't mind. He just expected it to be a herbal gathering mission with his sister, when Remus told him about it. He didn't know the two of you were walking around the lake for three hours, holding hands because you almost slipped. Wishing you had planned that slip but you haven't. You put sneakers on in the winter- you haven't thought much with your head when it came to Remus. You just wanted to be next to him... and you were.

Your anxiety was piling up but you couldn't stop smiling. He was shaking, since he was only in a thin black T-shirt and a fancy coat that did not provide much warmth. You marveled at the stars and he pulled you close, showing you all the constallation you knew. You haven't been watching the stars. All the time, you kept thinking about kissing him- having your first kiss with your brother's friend, on whom you had a small crush when your brother was small. You completely forgot about Remus until a few weeks ago when you started to spend more time with your brother, as well as his friends.

The kiss happened on the bench. The lake was in front of you, the stars above and he simply leaned in, finally providing some warmth on his body.

This film has been replaying in your head for the past seven months. Every day, you rewatched it in your head, it seemed to be more magical. Every day when you saw him, touched him, kissing him- you fell in love deeper.

It was as if you were going insane just by loving him. You wanted him by your side all the time. It wasn't as if it wasn't difficult, seeing his friends forcing other girls on him when the two of you were sneaking around, knowing each other's bodies pretty well. You knew every scar, every mole, every inch of his body. You believed he knew yours as well.

Remus was a nerd. He pretended to be cool and collected but he just spent 20 minutes explaining medical propreties of three kind of herbs and how other wizards- Healers even can mix them up.

"What?" he said, quirking an eyebrow as you stayed quiet, smiling at him.

"What what?" you smiled brightly, your eyes glimmering with pure joy.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked.

"Like what?" you fixed your facial expression, hiding away the emotional depth you felt for this boy.

He stared at you for a moment and moved away from you. "Nothing." he said, starting to get dressed.

There it was. That awful feeling. That feeling of not knowing what he feels.

It always came to this. The two of you could talk forever into the night or into sex but never could the two of you talk about your feelings. You wanted to tell him. You did. You wanted to tell him that you were deeply obsessed with him. That you adored every single thing about his character and body- but there was a restrain. There was the familiar lump in your throat that blocked you from speaking any further.

He always had excuses. He was not good enough for you. He can't ruin his friendship with James... he's not looking for anything exclusive at the moment.

You moved to your pile of clothes and started to put on your underwear. I swear, your razor has never been so used in your entire life than in the past few months. You smiled at that and clicked your bra on.

He didn't even notice that your undergarments were matching. Something you felt as if your effort was for nothing, but you felt good when you did things like that. For him. To please him- do it for him... because you loved him.

"Hey..." he was by your side and you got startled a bit from your train of thoughts.

His eyes were lustful and his hands were possessive of your body. You smiled and wrapped your hands around his neck. "Hi." you said as his hand grabbed the hem of your underwear and let it go into a snap on your hip.

"This is really nice." he smiled, watching your breasts in your perky red bra.

"You like?"

"Haven't got a clear view before... but now that I do..." he said and tightened his grip around your waist. "You smell so good..." he continued, but this time it felt more as a growl than a whisper and he purged your lips with his.

It felt as if two universes were collapsing. That's how it felt, kissing the forbidden fruit for him and for you. Even though James presented a small obstacle in the way of your relationship, the whole secrecy seemed to be more exciting, causing more passionate interactions between the two of you the more you two continued this.

He backed you agains the bed... again but you laughed, pushing him away but holding onto his shirt collar. "We have to go, you know that."

He wailed like a small puppy. "I don't want to."

You pulled him into a kiss, just as passionate, just as strong and so hard to let go of it. "I-" you tried but he deepened it in that moment, causing you to heat up and back up on the bed as he crawled over you.

He raised himself up and tool a long look at you, just laying there as your foot found its way to his chest. He took a gentle hold of it and moved it onto his shoulder. "You're so beautiful."

And that was it. Small words, small gestures- you went for it all. Your love couldn't consume him all. It always wanted more.

These moments, your soul didn't care. It was happy, you were happy and you were glowing. Only your roommate was the one who knew about your secret and she didn't agree much with it. She said he didn't treat you as he should.

But you were happy and that was all that mattered.

"I love seeing you this happy but I'm so afraid that you'll get hurt." your roommate said as she made her way to your bed.

"He wouldn't hurt me. He said he would never hurt me."

"I don't know, (y/n)..." she continued but you only laughed and smiled. Something in your heart was so full of love that you couldn't keep it in. Even James thought there was something wrong when you hugged him more than you usually did.

He suspected something was going on with you but he had no clue what.

Or that's how you thought.

Remus came into the room and just as he closed the door, somebody pushed him against it. Defensively, he pushed the person away from him. "What the hell?!" he shouted and saw a pair of furius brown eyes staring at him. "James?!"

"Were you with my sister!?" he shouted, not as if he was asking, simply waiting for Remus to tell the truth he already knew. But how could he had found out. "Tell me!" he snapped, pushing Remus' shoulder. "Tell me that Peter didn't see you leaving Room of Requirements with my baby sister!"

Oh, that's how.

Remus shot his eyes at Peter, than back at James. His eyes let loose. He was tired... and ashamed. You and him talked many times about getting caught but he thought the two of you would end by now... but you didn't.

"It just happened mate."

"Fuck you, Moony!" he pushed him again. "Did the two of you kiss?!" he asked. "Were you her first kiss?!"

"Yeah, okay!" Remus lifted his hands in defense. He felt as if he was being interrogated by the Ministry at this poing.

James only stared at him for a minute, than turned around and ran his hands down his face. He mumbled something under his breath- something Remus couldn't hear.

He then turned around really carefully, trying to control the boiling blood that kept flooding into his brain. "I'm not even going to ask if the two of you shagged- I'm just going to tell you this." he said calmly, however, you could still hear the fury in his voice- the one he never used before, not once in all years of friendship. "You are going to my sister and you will tell her that it's over." he warned. "She doesn't need this Remus. What you have- she doesn't need this." he threw knives with his poisinous glare.

Remus couldn't even argue with him. He knew that this was the reason why James would never let the two of you be together. You didn't know... you didn't and it wasn't your fault but he started this mess, and he felt as if he owed it to James to finish it.

---

By now, you knew something was off. Whenever Remus seemed to stay away from you, you got a strong feeling in your stomach. The two of you could talk it out, always but this time, the feeling was extremely powerful and deep inside, you knew that it wasn't good.

So you avoided him too. You simply felt... afraid...

And James knew. He knew Remus hasn't spoken a word to you yet because you seemed to be cheery and all over the place. Jumping from one friend to the other.

'She seems so happy.' - he thought at first, seeing you talk to one of your friends from class. 'I'm glad he was her first everything... but she can't go through with this. She'd break.' He looked at Remus, who stared into the book, ignoring you completely.

James stood up and walked to him. "Go talk to her." he said, more of a warning than a suggestion. Remus looked up at his friend's eyes and saw the demand in his darkened look. "Now." he finished and walked away.

Remus watched his best friend walk away, Sirius hiding away in discomfort, meanwhile Peter was lost in his own world. He looked at you on the other side of the room and just as he did, your eyes met. His heart stepped a beat, not knowing that it matched yours on the other side.

He shuffled in his seat for a second or two but cleared his throat and walked up.

It didn't take a lot of convincing to let you come with him. You loved him. You would be by his side every second that counted, if it wasn't for the circumstances the two of you were in.

The sky wasn't like before. It wasn't clear as day but it was still just enough chilly. He was about to graduate soon and you will go into your last year. You haven't talked about it yet but maybe this will finally be the conversation that clears all that mess up

You thought.

He couldn't get himself to say it. Your eyes shimmered so brightly- even on a day like this. How could he do this?

"Umm..."

You smiled and took a hold of his hand. "It's me Remus. You can always talk to me."

He swallowed hard and flickered his eyes from your hands to your eyes.

And then it was cold.

"James found out about us... and for me, I think, it's best for us to end this now. " he said, not letting you interrupt him when you started to process information. "I think it's best that we end this." he continued quietly, removing his hand from yours and avoiding your eyes... but you only stared, not blinking once... only stared.

He tried to smile but it wasn't sincere. At least not in your eyes. "We had so much fun- (y/n) but-"

"No..." you spoke weakly, clearing your voice and not letting a single tear fall from your eyes. "You can't just break up over this. James can understand- so he knows."

"No, (y/n)... listen..." he started but you interrupted him before he could continue.

"Why do you want to end it? Finally, James knows-"

"James doesn't want us to be together." he started to get more harsh with you.

"Well, that's his problem, not ours." you snapped back.

"What do you mean it's not our problem?! He's my best friend!"

"And he's my brother- if he was a real friend, he'd be happy for you."

"If he's a real brother, he'd make us break up!"

"What does that even mean?!"

Remus threw his head back. He cannot tell you. Not this. He could tell you a lot of things but the why... that he couldn't tell you. "It means it's over." he stood up.

"Don't you walk away from me!" you shouted behind him and grabbed his arm, turning him away.

"What don't you understand!?" he shouted back, pointing at his head with his fingers. "We were never meant to be, (y/n). It was a ride but we get off now!" he pointed at the floor, steaming from all the fury.

'Why couldn't you just let him go?'

"Oh, it definitely was a ride!" you scoffed, crossing your arms as he narrowed his eyes at your sarcasm. "But you're going to let one James get in the way between this?!"

"Yes!"

"Is HE THAT IMPORTANT, HUH?! WHY DID YOU EVEN CHOOSE ME THEN?!"

"YES!" he screamed at this point. "He is MORE important than you. He is MORE than you will ever be to me!" He lost his temper, blubbering out everything he thought. "I didn't choose you! You were just there- JUST FUCKING THERE- at the right place at the right time- THAT'S WHY YOU AND ME WOULD NEVER WORK OUT. You were an OPPORTUNITY!" he shouted, letting his eyes darken and glare at you maliciously. "And I took it gracefully." he finished in a low growl, his eyes shimmering when all of a sudden you took a step back.

...

...it's that how it felt?

It was like a click in his brain. He was too harsh. He was- you're still James' little sister- he still... "Shit, (y/n)..."

You pulled your hand away from his touch as he tried to take a hold of it. Physically, it wasn't possible for your world to be shaking at the moment... but somehow it has and you couldn't see.

"It came out really wrong-"

And your heart could, in logic, not hurt phisically. Hertbreak is psychollogical but then why did suddently feel as if it had been ripped out of your chest. A hole... a deep dark hole in your chest, sucking every last bit of your soul into it.

"(y/n), please say something. You just stepped on a nerve and I got angry-"

Was the world always this silent? Were the voices around you always this muffled. You couldn't hear, you couldn't feel.

You took a hold of your cold arms and the cold didn't hurt. Your fingertips... as blue and swollen as they were, they didn't pain.

"Come on, let's get inside."

You wish, you could have ran away but your legs felt numb, so you wobbled as far away from him as you could. The first corner you turned to, the moment your legs collapsed and you slid into the floor.

'Was I really this stupid?'

'What just happened?"

'What will my roommate say- she'll mock me-'

'He probably feels so great now that he knows I was in love with him.'

'Why does it hurt so much?'

Random thoughts came through your head. One running over the other- one as random as what to wear tomorrow. But the air was cold and you felt as if you deserved to freeze in it.

The stupidity, naivety and the immense ego death- everything has destroyed you. They say words cannot hurt you but they can. If they say it right, if they say it in the truthful manner- in a manner intended to hurt you... you?

So you thought back to the night the two of you first kissed. He said, the right place at the right time... that's all you were to him. A girl, who was there for him to use. A girl, he had no feelings for, not close to what you felt for the past few months. He kissed you and touched you, he had seen you naked and it didn't mean anything to him. He meant everything to you.

You were stupid. You thought he loves you. You thought you were special when he kissed you. That he found you attractive, beatiful- as he had said but you were just a day given opportunity.

If there was a monster that day, there, he would have kissed it. Because it was just there. Not because it cared for him, because it was his brother's best friend and it had trusted him with itself- no because the monster was just there, by the lake, at the same time like him.

Nothing. You meant... nothing.

---

Grey... the colours were grey. Every single one of them was gray, different shades of it. You promised yourself, you wouldn't let anybody affect you but you couldn't help the feeling in your chest, this soul sucking hole causing your whole body to ache. It felt as if your heart wasn't even there. He ripped it out and destroyed it.

You barely woke up, but you had to... for school. You had to go to school. Not that you cared anymore. You simply just existed. It was as if you couldn't remember when you got out of bed and when you got back into it. Time flew by like it didn't exist at all.

You didn't even know when one week passed by. It just did and nothing much mattered. You sat behind your desk and wrote your Transfiguration paper. It was when you were almost done when he altered your brain and there was the big pain in your throat. You swallowed it, closed your eyes and felt them burn.

You have to finish this. - you thought.

So you did and you forced him away. As soon as you did, you went to the bathroom and washed yourself. Then simply crawled to bed at six pm. It was your ruitine since then. You took a journal, you wrote it down, realising you cannot write things down without crying, so you grabbed the pillow and pushed it to your chest. You squeezed it so tightly in the meaning to place it into the empty hole in your chest.

It didn't cover, so you cried anyway. You did. No matter how hard you tried, you cried.

You don't remember what you talked with your roommates. You plastered a smile and nodded but avoided pretty much everybody.

Everything was a no for you.

A walk? - No.

Hogsmeade? - No.

Dinner? - No.

Study group? - No.

Roommates were a nice distraction but it wasn't enough for the pain. Even when James sent you a note, you always replied with a no. It was automatic by now. You said you had to study or that you were tired. You needed time for yourself. You needed to find your self-worth again because for the past months, you let your happiness depend on one person and that person just took all that happiness away from you.

So what you needed? It was work and sleep.

---

James knew you were heartbroken. He knew he was the annoying sibling but he wasn't used to being annoyed by you. You had always kept your emotions to yourself. The two of you weren't close emotionally but you had your own share of fun together. When he asked Remus when everything started, it was just around the time your bond started to get better. The two of you would spend much time together and you weren't so stuck up or annoyed at any slight inconvinience.

He never saw that side of you. The one that was emotionally opened to him. He didn't know it was Remus the sole reason for that. You were happy, excited and... well, in love. But it was the wrong person. Remus has something that he didn't wish for you to deal with. You were always the rebel of the family. He was the golden child but you were your own person. You didn't talk back t your parents as he did but you did all the things that you wanted. You did everything you wanted. That was your own magic. You were a rebel but you were a kind and understanding person.

James is the tough one in the group. He is the leader, the great one... even in your own family, he is the golden one, the perfect one but you always understood him the way nobody else did. You saw him, behind all of that facade. He loved being around you. You were his safe place. You were... his sister. The sister who gave him all the unsolicited advice and was there for him when nobody else was.

He didn't see much of you and most of the time you ignored his letters and messages. The times he did catch up to you, you excused yourself to go study and he knew you were furius at him because at times, you'd snap at him, throwing harsh words at him.

He knew you were sad and heartbroken but he also knew you'd move on sooner rather than later. You were just dramatic. Women always are.

It was to his surprise when he walked into the classroom and saw you sitting at one of the tables, laughing and smiling with a Ravenclaw his age.

It was Newt's and you were one year behind- so there was no reason you should be there.

Remus was more surprised than James. If he was bound to find out, he couldn't do it now. The protocol was to sit down and take the exam. No talking, no turning around but nothing could make him focus without knowing the truth about your attendence at this exam.

He could hear the professor something whisper in your ear but he couldn't understand it. Maybe, the professor realised you weren't supposed to be there either.

But nothing happened. You mumbled back and you stayed.

It was up until the exam was over when he turned around to see your chair empty, your robe disappearing behind the door. He ran after you but James had already caught up.

The two of you were already arguing.

"What do you mean you're graduating early?" James bulged his eyes out.

Graduating early?- Remus thought. You? Why would you ever graduate early, you hated studying.

"Why not? I've already taken most of the exams and I passed. McGonagall said if I roll up my sleeves and grab the whole thing, I can do it but the chance is small. Yet, here I am." you smiled and that twinkle in your eye that was known to more people to be the twinkle of up to no good.

What were you up to?

"You can't. You don't have any recommendations- not- no." James couldn't piece it together.

"Yes. I'm graduating and I am moving to southern Europe and I am never stepping foot in England ever again."

"Southern Europe?!" James shouted in disbelief. "You're shitting me?"

"I'm not. I have a plan to leave. I always had."

"That was your fairy tale. To live in Italy or Greece or some shit." he started to laugh.

"To be away from here." you said angrly. "I hate it here. I always had."

"No." said James.

"Yes..." mumbled Remus but nobody heard him due to the loud arguing between siblings.

You always said about leaving when the two of you were together. The beach, the culture... you said you felt as if nobody supported you here. The rebel of the family. You confided into him about how you felt there was zero effort made to make something out of you. All attention was always on James and that made you rebel in your family. You didn't want to be like James but everybody forced you to be at least somewhat like him. You said, how people take you for granted, underrating your power.

I guess, this was you taking your power into control.

Before he knew it, you were storming one way and James the other but unlike last time. He chose to follow you.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" he shouted behind you.

"Watch me." you turned around to see him then back around to turn a corner.

He caught up and took a hold of your hand but you snapped it away as soon as it touched you.

Of course, you wanted to see him. Of course, you wanted to talk to him, you craved him but you were furius beside all things. God, you could have screamed at him right now and hug him at the same time.

"You can't do this because you're angry at me. Don't take it on James." he started but you laughed.

"You think, I'm doing this for you?" you laughed, poking his chest with your finger. "I just grabbed the opportunity, Remus. I was just there, at the right place at the right time." you lowered your voice, quoting him.

"Come on- you don't know the whole background-"

"No, you know what Remus. I chose you. I fucking chose you to be my first. That means that I decided to trust you with my soul as well as my body and trusting people isn't easy for me." you continued. "I let you in- quite literally- but I thought we were something and you surely played the role to make me feel that way." you smiled forcefully, hiding away the feeling in your chest. You had no idea how a heart that is no longer there can still break.

"I really cared about you. I still do."

"You moved on, two weeks after us." you finally let him show a bit of your emotions. "Two fucking weeks and another girl was under your arm- God fuck, Remus. The hell is wrong with you."

"A lot..."

"Fuck you for playing the victim all the time." you pushed him hard. "Fuck you- fuck you- fuck you!" you continued to shout angrily. "I won't play the victim because I am not one. I'm moving on- away from fuckheads like you." you spat out. "Because you could have had somebody who would have loved you for everything that you are. You won't find anybody who will be prepared to love you as much as I was. Remember that, Remus Lupin. You won." you threw your hands up in defeat and walked away.

And it was one of those things that stick with you. It stuck with Remus because he didn't see you anywhere else anymore. Neither did James. He didn't know whether you were dead or alive. The graduation, they both looked for you but nowhere.

You disappeared from his life and it was until then when his life started to fall apart for him. You told me he could be whatever he wanted to be- even an auror. You supported him the way nobody else could and you accepted every flaw. He knew you would love him even more if he told you his secret but he thought.... he thought the two of you would stay friends. He thought, he had time with you. He thought he would appologise and the two of you would eventually talk.

He needed somebody. He needed somebody to talk to- always. Sirius was in Azkaban and James was dead. And all he could think about was needing you.

[haesunflower]

to hell with the stars | royalty au with ricky and zhanghao

(written in the stars chapter 3)

✩ chapter 1, chapter 2 ✩

genre: romance, angst

pairing: reader x ricky, queen oc x zhang hao

about/tags: you're back in astoria where you feel love bloom again. among other things, the queen of mariposa's relationship with king hao worsens. (4k+ words)

y/n is a princess, infidelity, cursing, mentions of death, slight slutshaming, these characters live such hard lives

The sky is a beautiful orange, with pinks blendings purples to welcome the impending setting of the sun. Celeste and Citrine are busy drinking from the water trough after a long day of riding. Ricky tosses you an apple meant for the horses, but you don’t have much of an appetite. 

“I hear you’re leaving tomorrow.” The prince takes a bite into the red fruit, as he sits down next to you under the tree where you’ve been planted for the past twenty minutes. Your mind was all over the place, thinking about your sister – how you and her husband, the king, spent over an hour crying and getting closure, how you eventually shared a kiss with him. 

That would have been enough reason to leave the following day anyway. So when you received a letter from your parents in Astoria asking you to come home, you were a little bit relieved. It saves you the agony of coming up with an excuse to tell your sister. 

In true avoidance, you spent the whole day riding. You rushed to the stables that morning, without even letting Chaehyun know. Everyone was looking for you the moment they realized you disappeared with your horse. Which is exactly why they sent Prince Quanrui to look for you, and he successfully found you crying by the pond. 

With no one in sight, he hugged you, arms embracing your torso as you sobbed into his chest. His head rests atop yours, as he soothes your back trying to get you to calm down. Even in your misery, a part of him is glad that he gets to hold you like this. 

You don't want to return just yet. So again, there you were sitting under the tree. Just thinking. You haven’t said much to Ricky at all, he didn’t pry. Instead you both moved in silence. Grateful for his perceptiveness to your emotions, he deserved a decent conversation. “Yes, tomorrow morning. The King and Queen have summoned me.”

Ricky nods slowly, but he’s undecided on whether or not he wants to believe that answer. He sets the apple down, and sighs loudly. “Since you’ll be gone, I have no purpose staying here any longer than you are. I’ll leave tomorrow as well.” he says matter-of-factly. 

You can’t say you’re not surprised. In fact, you’ve suspected that he favors you more than any other royal because he likes you to some degree. And you like Ricky too, how could you not? 

You spent every year of childhood playing with him around the castle, he was your favorite guest at your tea parties, he was your escort for your first royal ball, he taught you how to paint, and he made you laugh. And you once overheard both your mothers joke around, saying perhaps their children will marry each other one day. You weren’t sure if that meant you. But if it did, you wouldn’t mind. Ricky is a friend above all things, a really good friend – who is also a welcome distraction from your thoughts. 

“You spent almost all of Spring here in Mariposa, did you not tire of my company?” you playfully nudge him, and the tip of his ears turn a little red. He breaks into a smile as he turns to you, eyes locking “it wasn’t dreadful”, he jokes back.  

“I knew it. So you do like me a little bit, Prince Quanrui?” you tease. 

“Love. I do love you Princess Y/N.”

There is no more joking undertone, just a declaration. He says it confidently, his voice unwavering. He looks to your lips, then to your eyes before he looks away – staring at the sky instead, “but I can wait, however long you need, Y/N.”

You think about what he just said, and you’re scared to ask “Ricky, you know something, don’t you?”

“Well…” he begins. “I knew there must have been a good reason as to why you didn’t come to Solaria when I invited you, perhaps you were occupied with royal matters too. And because I was at your sister’s wedding, I figured you weren’t in attendance. Perhaps you were sick, as there was no way you would have missed an event that involved your family. I also know that you were trying to get away from that dumbass King after your dance with him –” he wants to continue, but he glances in your direction. 

Your head is down, ashamed. So he was right, it is about the King. 

“I’m a horrible person. Yesterday, I kissed him.” you whisper the confession, barely audible. You check on Ricky, who is no longer watching the sky, and is instead gazing at you.  He seems unphased. 

“Do you see me differently now?” you ask, feeling hopeful that maybe he doesn’t think you’re a disgrace, a slut, a traitor. He one ups your expectations when he responds with “I see you exactly as you are. The same from when we were kids. Beautiful, terribly unfunny, but fresh like air. Nothing you do changes my love for you.”

For confirmation, you ask once again – “you love me?”

“In every way imaginable, Y/N”. You smile as you realize how easy it was for Ricky to answer that question, and compare it to how difficult it was for you to answer Hao the night before.

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—--

When you leave the next day, Ricky is the one that brings you to your carriage, opening the door for you. He tells you that he’ll visit Astoria after he gets his political affairs in order. He removes the glove that you had on, and kisses the back of your hand sweetly. It’s intimate, sweet, and in Solaria – reserved for only husband and wife. 

You want to tease him, but you don’t. Instead, you remove your necklace, a golden chain with a sun and star on it, and place it on his palm. You enclose his fingers around it gently, and your hands stay in that position for a while. You’re afraid this is the last time you’ll see each other as just Crown Prince Ricky and Princess Y/N. 

“Don’t keep waiting for me, okay? Thank you for the past few weeks”. You place your hand on his cheek, and swipe your thumb comfortingly. 

Those are the last words you speak to him before the carriage door is closed. Ricky is watching as the carriage smalls to the distance. The necklace is safely nested in his clasped hands, afraid he’ll lose the precious item you gave him. Rather, afraid he’ll lose you entirely. 

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—-- 

When you return to Astoria, the first thing that you are alerted to is that the crown prince’s condition has worsened. Crown Prince Hanbin has been sick since the middle of winter, and everyone had assumed he would eventually get better. He always does. But an entire season has passed, and his condition has only worsened. 

You enter his room, and he’s laying in his bed. Your mother and father, the queen and king of Astoria, are seated on chairs by the side of his bed. For both of them to be here at the same time, it must be really grave, you think.

You close the door gently and walk to your brother to take his hand. He’s coughing but he manages to smile when he sees you. “What took you so long, sister?” he asks, his voice is hoarse. 

“Don’t speak, I am here now brother.” You place your hand on his head, feeling his temperature and wiping away the layer of sweat that rests on his skin. “What do the doctors say, mother?” But she doesn’t respond to your query. 

“Y/N, let’s speak outside....” Your father commands.

Hanbin interrupts, “no, let me be the one to tell her.”

You’re looking at both of the men in the room, waiting for them. “Sister, listen –” a roar of coughs erupts before he gets the rest of the sentence out  “– you know that if anything were to happen to me, you’ll be queen regent right?” You’re nodding, “starting tomorrow, your official title will be crown princess.”

Your world spins, and you think you might faint. You were right, that was going to be the last time you would be seeing Ricky as just, princess y/n. Tomorrow, you duties begin as crown princess, the next in line to the throne.

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—--

In Solaria, Prince Quanrui’s mother asks how his trip to Mariposa was. And if he has already proposed to you, like he said you would. He shakes his head, and tells her that it isn’t the right time. 

“I always knew that both of you would end up together,” she says quaintly. “You begged to visit Astoria almost every year, even when we didn’t need the diplomatic meetings anymore. You studied her interests, her country, and you know the Astoria government more than anyone in our parliament. Son, you even painted a portrait for her,” she scoffs “you’ve never even painted for your own mother. And remember when you were devastated when she didn’t visit us last year?” The current queen of Solaria pauses to take a sip from her wine, watching the expression on her son’s face. “Am I right to believe you’ve loved her ever since?” 

When the prince nods, she nags at him, "then why are you in Solaria and not Astoria?"

He has a small smile on his face, and he thinks of you as he touches the gift you left him, currently clad on his neck. 

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—-- 

A letter from Solaria announcing Prince Quanrui’s intent to visit Astoria arrives a week late. Now, the palace staff are in visible panic, making last minute preparations. You haven’t seen them make this much haste since the last time a crown prince stayed in Astoria. 

It’s a bright day, and the gardens are littered with fully bloomed stargazer lilies this time around. As if timed perfectly, a carriage slows down the moment you leave the palace doors. A footman opens the vehicle, and Prince Quanrui steps out dressed in all black. On his right hand, a dozen red roses. 

As you walk down the stairs to greet him, he bows at you. And out of habit, you curtsy back. “Your favorite, Princess Y/N”, he hands you the flowers. Roses don’t grow well on Astoria soil, so Ricky has made it a tradition to gift you a dozen every time he visits. They’re usually yellow or white. You wonder if these red ones hold any special meaning, and you decide to read on it later. 

“They’re beautiful as always, Prince Quanrui.” He takes your ungloved hand, and plants a delicate kiss from his lips. It feels familiar, it feels sincere, it feels nice. 

“I hope the King and Queen are not too offended about my sudden desire to visit the Astoria palace.” You’re walking side by side, back to the grand doors. “Don’t be silly Ricky, they’re elated that you’ve come here again.” 

Ricky is glad to hear that he’s still in your parents’ good graces. Because he plans to ask for their blessing for your hand in marriage soon.

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—-- 

The palace staff are instructed to not speak anything about Prince Hanbin’s debilitating condition, nor are they allowed to address Y/N by her new Crown Princess title around guests. They have not made the royal decree public, and they only plan to do so once things have been made final. Everyone hopes that it doesn’t have to come to that point. 

Silently, you’ve been preparing to take over. Hanbin’s responsibilities have been passed on to you, along with additional education from his royal tutors. It’s exhausting to be a ruler. Thankfully, all of that takes a backseat for the first few days of Ricky’s visit. 

At first, you enjoyed your usual activities. Strolling by the garden, painting together, visiting the new museum artifacts, riding Celeste and Citrine, having meals together. You threw a tea party for fun, and he willingly participated, joking about how you must have no better company because he’s the only one present. “I’m in disbelief that your idea of fun is throwing tea parties and rotting away at the library.” 

Faking offense, “excuse me, that is no way to talk to your host.” He laughs, uninhibited, gums showing. Your favorite. He often puts on a cool and cold demeanor around strangers, but you know who he is. So in rare moments where he allows himself to genuinely laugh, even with palace staff around – you treasure it, tucking a memory of this moment.

“Let’s do something that’s actually fun. I’ll come get you later this evening.”

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—-- 

“Are you certain about this?” you ask Ricky, as he tucks the rest of your hair into your cloak. Underneath, both of you are sporting commoner clothes that you rarely use. 

“Unfortunately, I’m not taking no for an answer. Come on.” He grips your waist tightly and hoists you up the palace walls, the ones near the staff entrance where it’s much, much shorter. And therefore, very climbable. Ricky follows after you, and you’re both giggling at the excitement of sneaking out past curfew. 

The stars are littered throughout the sky, acting as a soft source of light. You mount your horses, and ride towards the central area of Astoria. The night market at the town square feels so alive. There’s a weekend festival that the tavern owners like to host, and you hear old men as they clink their mugs and cheer for the free drinks. Children are still up, enjoying the Astoria delicacies being sold by vendors. At the center, near the fountain, a traditional square dance ensues. It’s mostly old couples and young teenagers. Ricky drags you in, and you’re both welcomed into the chaos of music, laughter, and sweaty bodies. As he dances with an old lady, you can’t help but stare at his beauty that surely rivals your own. He’s holding both her hands, encouraging her to go along with the beat. He’s smiling wide, as he teaches her the steps. That damn smile that you love so much. 

You’re walking down the food vendor lanes when you buy Ricky an Astorian strawberry delicacy. To put it simply, cow’s milk that’s been pasteurized with strawberries. “Try this, you’ll like it.” you excitedly bring the cup to his mouth, and he takes a sip. He says it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted. 

You try a lot of new things. There’s a sketch artist that offers to draw the ‘lovely couple’ in charcoal, and you both pose on the chair attempting to keep your laughs at a minimum. He buys you a little doll made by a local toymaker, saying it looked like you when you were younger. Both of you even try winning a game of hopscotch against the children. He doesn’t want to, but when you tell him to lose on purpose to make them happy, he obliges.

You’re walking back where you came from when you tell him “your idea of fun is certainly better than mine.” You slow your steps, and decide to go to the railing of the bridge overlooking the lake. There are fireflies dancing around the swans. 

“Thank you. For taking me out of the palace today”. Your hands are glued to the railing, but you’re looking up at him. Ricky’s gaze is heart-stopping, and you struggle to maintain eye contact with him.

Meanwhile, he thinks that you shine the brightest at nights, with the moon illuminating your face – like you’re the only thing that matters. To him, it holds true.  He doesn’t know if it’s because he missed you, or if it’s purely from the way you’re looking at him. But he places his hand atop yours on the railing. You don’t move, not because you’re frozen, or nervous, but because it feels – natural. You look to his hand, safely enclosing yours when you notice the necklace you’ve given him, now repurposed as a bracelet that he’s wrapped thrice around his wrist. “You kept it…” 

“I treasure it as it’s from you.” And there’s an increased fondness that grows in your heart for the boy that loves you. You regret the words that you uttered to him when you gave it to him. 

“Ricky, I take back what I said.” He looks confused, “about you not needing to wait for me. I take it back. You’ll keep waiting, right?” You look up at him, desperate and glassy eyed. Ricky thinks your eyes look like they’re sparkling, but he knows it’s because you’re on the verge of tears. 

“I didn’t plan on stopping anyways.” To assure you the only way he knows how, he moves your hands from the railing to wrap it around his shoulders. As if letting you know that it’s okay to rely on him. Then, he inches down closer to you, so that your noses touch. Your lips are merely milimeters away. He searches your eyes, and asks “may I?”

You give a tiny nod, and he places his lips on yours. It’s not as gentle, it’s unlike what you’re used to. But you find it exciting, and there’s an electricity that you’ve never felt before. He swipes his tongue against your lower lip, and you slightly open your mouth to let him kiss you more fervently. Your stomach drops and you hold on to him tighter. You’re both out of breath.

And as you stand there at the bridge overlooking the lake of fireflies, you feel that you’re just Y/N and Ricky. Two people, no titles. 

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—-- 

It’s a rude awakening, to get yelled at by your mother for disappearing into the night. Work piled up over the last few days, and you’re struggling to catch up. Prince Quanrui sends you little letters or drawings that he slips under your study. Cute, you think. You start to feel terrible that you haven’t been seeing much of him anymore, so you invite him to join you in your royal duties. 

You’re in the middle of studying the star patterns, something you did weekly as a requirement in your crown princess education. Previously, you did this as a hobby. It's a sudden whiplash to start viewing your favorite activity as duty. It’s burdensome.

Ricky is surprisingly very willing and interested to participate. He’s quick to be useful, though you’ve only taught him once at thirteen years old. He seems to have taken notice of your change in demeanor though, he knows something is troubling you. So when it’s just the two of you, he asks “I’ll speak candidly, Y/N. Is something wrong?”

He’s standing by the telescope when you retract yourself from the eyepiece. You look at him, and he seems genuinely worried. His brows are furrowed, and he’s slightly biting his lip anxiously waiting for an answer from you. Ricky is never nervous. But nowadays, you have been the exception. Ricky fears you're actively avoiding him, thinking he’s scared you with a confession of love, or if he’s come on too strong since he’s arrived at Astoria. Maybe it was the kiss you shared. Or perhaps you’re still in love with Hao. 

“Can I tell you when I’m ready, is that okay? It’s not anything you did, I promise.” It’s like you read his mind. So he nods, and decides to patiently wait until you are ready to confide in him. To wait, just like you asked him to. 

This time, you’re the one that steps closer towards him to rest your head on his chest. He wraps his arms around your back, and you feel safe. You don’t want to tell him anything just yet. You’d rather stay in his arms, an ignorant state of bliss.

Because you feel that if you tell him, you’ll speak it to existence, some sort of manifestation. It scares you. Because you might be Queen of Astoria, and Ricky is meant to be King of Solaria – thus, you aren’t free to love him either. The damn stars, even at a second chance of love, there is no hope for fruition. 

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—-- 

In Mariposa, things are more dreary. Hao smells like whiskey, and the alcohol’s scent follows him as he barges into the queen’s quarters. It’s been several months since Y/N left, meaning it’s been several months where the king spends his evenings drowning himself in liquor.  

The queen has been holed up in her room since she found Hao and her sister in the second floor library. She didn’t even say goodbye to her when she left, making up an excuse about pregnancy pains. It’s been a few months, and she’s since given birth to a daughter, Yeseo. 

Amidst motherly responsibilities, Knight Jiwoong has been a distraction for her. In Astoria, he swore under oath to protect her with his life. It helps that they’ve known each other forever, and that comfort of having someone know you equally, or maybe even more than yourself has been saving grace for her. So when the queen found her husband and her sister that night, the first thing she did was run to Jiwoong. She cried, and cried, and cried – and he silently listened. 

The palace talks, and word must have gotten around about the Queen’s secret rendezvous with the Astoria Knight that guards her door. When there is a change of the guards, Jiwoong makes sure to come back outside right before anyone catches them. Sometimes, his uniform is in disarray. 

It’s unsurprising, yet terrifying when Hao makes a beeline at the Knight who is currently standing by the Queen’s window. His hands are grasping at his armored collar, in an attempt to intimidate him. “How long have you been fucking the queen?”

“Hao! Let him go.” The queen rushes to the two men, and pushes the King away. Jiwoong is silent, and he kneels down before his King, but doesn’t respond. “I demand an answer, knight Kim Jiwoong. How long has this been going on behind my back!” his eyes are fueled with rage, as he stares down at the man that’s knelt before him. 

“Do not answer him Jiwoong.” The queen puts a finger up towards him. “Hao, if you want to play ‘timelines’ we can. So now I’ll ask you – how long have you been in love with my sister?”

This time, Hao is silenced, but he breathes heavily.

“Is this,” gesturing to you and Jiwoong “the reason why you were okay with all of that? Even asking me to dance with her. Were you pushing me towards her so that you could enjoy your little play thing? You knew this whole time?” Hao is visibly angry at the story that unfolds in his head. An angry King Hao, it’s a sight that is rare to even the oldest of staff in the castle. His chest is huffed out, and his eyes are wide. 

The queen, luckily, is not one to back down. “I know that you kissed my sister while you are still married to me.” The queen walks past Hao and takes a seat by the fireplace. She’s staring at the fire when she says  “I know that you do not love me. I know that ever since we’ve left Astoria you’ve been different.”

“Do not guilt trip me. I am devoted to you, I chose you!” he’s yelling. 

There’s venom in the queen’s voice when she says “you are devoted to me but you do not love me. You are devoted to the country, you are devoted to your children. And yes, you will choose me each time because I, as queen, am also Mariposa. But you do not love me.”

He walks up behind the chair of the queen, and accusingly he says “you speak of the children, but are they even mine? – Yujin & Yeseo, are they even Mariposa blood?” His anger blends into sorrow, the thought of not being the father of his supposed heirs is more heartbreaking than anything else. 

It is only then that the knight speaks. “Your Majesty, I am impotent. There is no doubt that the young heirs are Your Majesty’s”

And just like that, Knight Jiwoong’s secret is out. Hao pours two glasses of whiskey and takes a seat next to the queen. 

—--⋆⋆☆⋆⋆—-- final chapter here

✩ chapter 1, chapter 2 ✩ ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

A/N: these chapters just keep getting longer and longer also i'm sorry i made you impotent jiwoong TT

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[bvtbxtch]

Jack O'Lantern Kiss | Eddie Munson

Day One of Kinktober

Summary: Carving pumpkins with your best friend Eddie leads to confessions you may or may not have always wanted to hear.

Pairings: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader, brief mention of Eddie Munson x Chrissy Cunningham

wc: ~2k

Content Warnings: fluffy fluff fluff, unrequited love, allusions to smut, hickies. This story takes place in an au where the upside down is not a thing. Although this is a pretty tame story, my blog is 18+ so Minors DNI.

A special thank you to my love and collab partner @darknesseddiem. I am so thankful to know you. Here's to an amazing October!

It was your favorite time of the year. The unforgiving Hawkins summer had ended its assault and the fiery leaves crunch underneath your boots and you can finally have an excuse to curl up with your favorite metalhead and read books all day. You had been best friends with Eddie Munson since 10th grade math (when he was in 11th grade) where you helped him figure out how to find x in beginner algebra equations. You immediately fell head over heels for him, but when he began dating Chrissy Cunningham, you learned how to stoke the fire in your heart to embers. Eddie and you continued to get closer throughout high school. Chrissy never made a fuss and you felt like a constant plus one in their little universe. Eddie was the first one to give you a swooping hug after walking the stage (about 20 minutes after he did). You both had dreams to leave sleepy Hawkins and find yourselves in some big city where you could cheer each other on from your shared apartment. You never imagined Eddie not being in your life; you knew he was your soulmate. It wasn’t until this past August that you considered it might be as more than friends.

-

Eddie called you at 3 in the morning on August 12th. You jolted up, body dusted in a light sheen of sweat from the near 30 degree night. You reached for the receiver and held it to your ear with a groggy hello. You were met with a small sniffle. You knew it was your Eddie. 

“Ed? What’s wrong?” You immediately were shaken from your sleepy daze.

“She… she-” Eddie cut himself off with a pitiful sob. You let out a long sigh and hung up the phone with a soft ‘I’ll be right there, Eddie’. 

The drive to Forest Hills Trailer Park was usually 15 minutes. You were there in 5. You had never heard Eddie cry before, and never expected to hear him cry that hard. You spent the night petting his head and hearing him weep into your body. Three years he had spent loving Chrissy Cunningam, when she had fallen out of love with him a while ago (if she had ever truly loved him at all). 

Since that night, you and Eddie had been inseparable - the impossibly close bond getting closer. You barely knew what your own bedroom looked like as you were almost constantly sleeping at Eddie’s trailer, him being too upset to sleep alone. You watched movies, went to hellfire ‘alumni’ meetings (Eddie called them that but you knew it was just a way for him to make sure that Mike and Dustin were running the club properly), and watched any and all Corroded Coffin gigs you could get to. Hugs became more frequent and Eddie would use any excuse to hold your hand. He was touch starved, and you could tell he was taking this out on you. But why would he not, you were his best friend, and even though you knew that’s where your relationship drew a line, you liked melting into Eddie’s arms or smiling at his forehead kisses. 

-

October brought more scary movies and smoke sessions around the bonfire in Steve Harrington’s backyard. As the month wrapped up, like the weather, Eddie got colder. You knew that Halloween was going to be the first holiday without Chrissy and he was feeling it. You still grabbed his hand and gave him small smiles, but you often got glassy brown puppy dog eyes matched with a small smile. You wanted to take this pain away for him and had just the idea. 

You fiddled with the old lock on Eddie’s trailer door, fumbling the grocery bag in your hands and careful not to step on the two bright orange pumpkins that stand on the concrete steps. You knew you had minimal time to prepare this surprise until Eddie was back from the body shop. You wiggle the knob one more time before it gives and you spill inside the homey space. You drop the bag on the kitchen counter and hastily grab the pumpkins from the step. 15 minutes later, you had flyers sprawled across the counter, the pumpkins sitting neatly on them, adorned with different carving tools and sharpies around them. In small bowls on the stove, Eddie’s favorite snacks: cheese balls, M&Ms, skittles and a bag of cool ranch Doritos. You startle at the door slamming open and stomps of Eddie's feet on the linoleum. You get up from the couch and greet him at the door.

“Hey sweetheart… what’s this??” Eddie’s frown turns upwards when he lays his eyes on your set up in his kitchen. He wraps you in a tight hug.

“Just something that I thought would cheer you up” you muffle your words into his chest. You look up at his chocolate eyes. “I know Halloween is your favorite, so thought we could start the festivities.” His eyes glass over, tears threatening to spill. “No, no Eddie, please don’t cry” You reach your hands up to cup his face. 

“No, sweetheart. These are good tears. Thank you for thinking of me.” He grabs your wrists to lower your hands and he kisses you on the cheek. “I’m gonna go change out of these dirty coveralls and then we can get this party started” The boy’s lopsided smile returned before he pushed away from you and trotted down the small hallway to his room. You made your way back into the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a dumbstruck smile on your face and butterflies threatening to erupt in your stomach. Your cheek burned where Eddie had kissed you and you raised your hand to trace over the spot. You wanted this feeling to last forever. You are pulled out of your trance when Eddie meets you in the kitchen, his hands trapping you against the counter. You smile up at the boy and your heart takes a tumble. Eddie had put his hair back in a low bun and you thought you were going to pass out from how good he looked, how close he was. His lips look so plump and his cheeks a perfect blush to give his alabaster skin some color. Your best friend was perfect. You smile back up at him.

“Well, since you set all of this up, the least I can do is make us some hot chocolate.” The boy quips. When you nod and smile in agreement, he grabs your hips and sits you up on the counter. You watch him in content while he putters around his kitchen. He passes you your favorite tomato soup mug full of steaming hot chocolate. He sips at his mug, eyes never leaving yours. You could feel tension growing so thick it could be cut with a knife - but what kind of tension? You were unsure. 

-

You spent the next two hours throwing pumpkin seeds at each other across the kitchen while Eddie’s new Black Sabbath cassette played in the background. Two faces full of shy adoration and a room full of giggles. You finally turned your pumpkin towards Eddie to show him your final design - a simple outline of a black cat and a bat stares back at Eddie. Eddie reveals his own pumpkin to show two skeletons holding hands. 

“Well that doesn’t look like a scary pumpkin at all” you tease. Eddie throws a handful of skittles at you. Both of you Erupt into a fit of giggles as you both grab handfuls of snacks that you can find and toss them at each other. Eddie lunges at you in an attempt to halt the food war. His hands wrap tightly around your waist and your laughter gets caught in your throat. Your smile falls as the tension finally feels like it is going to snap. You can see Eddie studying your eyes for any sort of discomfort. Although he finds some hesitation, he knows you feel safe - that you want him to be there with you. It’s the most devotion he has honestly felt in almost a year. Chrissy never looked at him the way you do; but if he was being honest with himself, he didn’t look at Chrissy the way he looks at you either. His eyes flicker to your lips as he licks his.

“Eddie,” you whisper. You feel as if all of the air around you has become thick, unable to breathe it in. The curly haired boy inches his face closer to yours, foreheads resting on each other. His breath fans lightly at your face and you can tell Eddie is feeling the same way as you. You nudge your nose against his as a silent plea for him to come closer. He obliges and presses his lips softly to yours. 

You felt electricity jolt down your spine, goosebumps riddled your body. This is what you have wanted for longer than you would like to admit. Eddie’s hands migrate up your back to cradle your face. His long fingers find purchase in your hair while his thumbs rub circles onto your cheeks. You pull yourself away to look at the boy.

“Eddie… please don’t do this because you miss her…” you whimpered. You couldn’t handle this being a one and done situation. You had gotten a taste of what it would be like to have Eddie as yours and you would rather die than give that up now. 

“Sweetheart… I… I have been so stupid. I should have broken up with Chrissy long before she broke up with me…” Your eyes search Eddie’s and all you can feel is warmth. He’s telling the truth.

“Eddie, why??”

“Because I’m in love with you… and I have been for a while” Eddie lets out a chuckle while tears threaten to spill over his lashes again. Your heart felt like it was going to burst out of your chest and you couldn’t help the ear splitting grin growing on your face. “I thought that being with Chrissy was supposed to be… right. But it way you all along. I tried to forget my feelings for you because I fooled myself into thinking that I was in love with her… But these past few months…” Eddie trailed as he studies every detail of your face; waiting for you to tell him to fuck off, or to push him away, but you keep him pleasantly waiting.

“I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Eddie. I just tried to push it down, I wanted you to be happy” 

You barely have time to finish your sentence and Eddie’s lips are back on yours. His move in sync with yours like you were made for each other. You lift your chin up to grant Eddie access to deepen the kiss. His tongue swipes over your bottom lip and you let out a content moan as his tongue enters your mouth. He pushes you backwards so you are again trapped between his body and the counter, pushing you up to resume your previous position. Eddie moves his kisses to the side of your mouth, then trails them down your jawbone to the pulsepoint behind your ear. He can feel your breath hitch when he sucks down to form a beautiful indigo bruise on your neck. He can’t help but smile against your body. He wants to devour you whole, leave you nothing but a gasping mess underneath him. His hands run up your sides, desperate to feel more of you. You break the kiss to help Eddie discard your shirt. His hands were magnetic - they now needed to be a permanent fixture on your body. His eyes fixed on your skin with such adoration your head spun. your own hands track up his torso to his neck to pull him back into you. As your lips reconnect, Eddie’s hands move south to the tops of your thighs. His hands find purchase at the apex of your hips and he feels you shudder against his mouth. The anticipation of feeling him where you want him the most was killing you. But Eddie pulls away from you suddenly, his eyes lower and he grabs for your shirt that had been discarded on the floor haphazardly.

Your brows furrow in confusion while you search his face for hesitation. Your heart begins to beat wildly… Was this just a joke? A heat of the moment type deal? You could feel beads of salty tears dot your waterline. 

“Eddie… Did I do something wrong?” Eddie looked at you with golden eyes full of passion. He wriggles your T-shirt over your head and holds your cheek in his hand.

“No, but I did something wrong. I don’t want this to feel like just a stupid hook up. I want to do this right because you deserve it. I love you, doll, and I want you to be my girl. I want to take you on dates and buy you flowers. I want to make you laugh and dress up nice for you because you deserve it.” You can feel your smile growing wickedly across your face.

“Okay, Eddie. I like the sound of that” you giggle.

“So what do you say? Wanna be my girl and make this official so we can take this to the bedroom?”

“Eddie… I thought you’d never ask.”

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[wooahaes]

i wanna talk about it, so i'm gonna talk about it.

cw for death & loss of a family member, mental health issues, shitty family relationships, suicidal thoughts. just... it's a lot of my thoughts because i need to get them out, end of.

i knew what i signed up for when i told my parents i would be the one taking care of grandma when she entered into hospice. i grieved then, i think, and that's why i've been so... okay now, in a sense. like, it hurts, but it doesn't feel like a new pain. it feels like that phantom ache you get when you think about past heartbreak, or how i feel when i remember my long-time best friend and i aren't speaking to each other anymore because we just drifted apart. i think now i feel both guilty and relieved. relieved that she's no longer struggling because i know my grandma always hated feeling like she's a burden (she's not and she never was, no matter how often we told her this) and being so reliant on us.

and guilty because i had a breakdown in the days leading to her death because everything had weighed down on me so heavily. i hate the things i thought in the heat of the moment while i was sobbing one night after she'd gone to sleep, so angry because of how much things had changed. she was getting worse. the nurse had taken out the catheter because she just couldn't do it anymore, so i was constantly being called to help her with that. i was tired. i just wanted to sleep, and my sleep schedule became this ugly, messy thing of sleeping when i could and being called every 1-2 hours (3 if i was lucky, and i've never been lucky).

i feel guilty that dad was the one who found her. i don't think she struggled. i think it was just... one minute she was here, trying to sip a gatorade, and the next she was gone. i'm glad she didn't struggle. i'm glad she's no longer struggling, even though i miss her. i wish i had eaten dinner with her more often, but she always shooed me away because of that feeling of being a burden. i didn't want to argue with her, so i did what she asked for me. but it's so strange because dad found her, woke me up, and we just... the shock broke both of us, we both cried. he called my mother, i called hospice, and within an hour, we had calmed down and were working on what comes next.

and then an hour later, we were all sitting together with the hospice nurse, waiting for the funeral home to come and get her, and we were laughing over stories. it was so strange. it was almost like we had all moved on quickly, except no one had because there was this tension in the air. i think if we hadn't been laughing and talking, we would have been crying. i think i'm honestly grateful that we were laughing.

i told a lot of my close friends. i vaguely posted here because i knew i'd talk about it more later, but i told my friends pretty much outright. initially it was shock posting, of me breaking because it happened so suddenly. and then i talked more with people. i decided that i just wanted normalcy for the most part, that i'd reach out to people or talk with them all if i needed to talk.

it just feels so weird. life moves so fast. i just want it to slow down for a minute.

the funeral is this afternoon and i'm not going. my parents understood even though my mother won't stop bitching about how she wishes i would go so she doesn't have to. i know it's because it's physically hard for her to go, but she's not the one who spent almost 6 weeks caring for grandma around the clock. she's not the one who was emotionally and physically exhausted by the end of it, the one who woke up every day wishing to kill herself because all of the stress was getting to her.

our relationship was actually good for a minute, but now she's back to being the bitch she's always been. one of my friends said something about the way his step dad used to be: if he was having a bad day, then everyone had to feel the effects of it. and while he grew, my mother's always been this way and always will be this way. she's never going to change. if she was, she would have changed by now. she knows she's hurt me. she's asked for forgiveness not because she felt remorse, but because she's worried about not getting into heaven or whatever. i wish she'd just realize we're never going to agree on anything, so avoid those topics so that we can pretend we're fine because i leave and never speak to hr again. it's what i do.

we're moving into my grandma's house. it was left to us in the will, and now it feels weird to go through so many of her things. we've already made the decision to donate her clothes (she was a tiny woman and all of us are very much not tiny) to a women's shelter in our city. we're slowly going through things, figuring out what we're selling, what we're keeping, what just needs to be thrown out. it feels like no one else here cares even though i know my dad does. he's lost both of his parents now, after all. it's hard on him and he's never going to show it because he's never been an emotional man.

i'm so tired. i just want all of the hard parts to be over now.

[eds6ngel]

Hello angel! I was thinking maybe introvert Eddie with an extrovert reader! Like they date and then they’re out at a restaurant and his food is wrong and he doesn’t want to say anything so she does? Just something cute like that with maybe a few other instances as well! Your writing is perfect by the way 💙💙💙

hi sweetheart!! firstly, thank you ever so much for the compliment! this is such an array of emotions, but i think it encapsulates what introverted!eddie would feel like in a relationship <3

warnings: fem!reader. pet names. swearing. food mentions. satanic panic rhetoric. mentions of su*c*de. mentions of eddie being poor. mentions of ab*se (eddie's past). eddie and reader cry together :'). a lil bit of hurt. comfort. tooth-rotting fluff!! [2.3k].

If there’s one thing that Eddie fails to share with everyone, it’s that he is actually extremely introverted. You already assumed this when you first met him, the boy screaming on top of cafeteria tables about how “conformity is bullshit” and how its “killing the kids” and whatnot.

But, when you started dating, he sure showed that his apparent extrovertedness was seemingly a completely lie.

For your first date, Eddie took you out to Benny’s Burgers. Your friends kept telling you how it was a mistake and how that was no way to show a girl you fancied her, but the location didn’t matter to you. Everyone in Hawkins knew that Eddie lived down at Forest Hills Trailer Park with his uncle, so you assumed money issues played a huge deal in his upbringing. So, as someone a bit more well-off, it wasn’t for you to judge how he spent the little money he had. Although, it didn’t matter to you in the slightest.

As you guys look back now, it’s insane how much you brought him out of his shell over the months. But, reflecting back on your first date will always be one of the funniest moments.

“So… what you thinking of getting?” Eddie asks shyly, looking up at you from behind the menu, immediately avoiding eye contact the second you look back at him.

Your mom had always taught you that if someone else was offering to pay, you should never go for something expensive, and you took that on, always ordering or purchasing something low in value.

So, you chose the cheapest meal on the menu, “I’ll just take the hamburger and fries, and just a water to go with it. I’m trying to calm down on the caffeine intake,” you softly laugh.

The problem is, Wayne always taught Eddie never to order higher than the girl, saying that it’s a way to make them feel special and as if they’re the main attraction there.

So, Eddie replied, “Yeah… I’ll take the same…” he mumbles, shutting the menu and laying it on top of yours to the side.

But, what Eddie failed to let you know is that he wasn’t the biggest lover of salad in his burgers. The patty, cheese and a bit of ketchup will do him perfectly, perhaps a little bacon if he’s feeling fancy.

So, when the waitress brought you your meals, you began munching into the burger, talking away about how good it was and complimenting Eddie’s choice of diner, trying to lift his moods since he seemed extra nervous. But, after a few minutes of talking, you see Eddie’s plate still completely full, minus a few fries which he had picked up with his fingers and nibbled on. He hadn’t even added any sauces or seasonings to his meal.

“Eddie, is there something wrong with your food?”

He looks up, scratching the back of his head, but quickly retracting it as he realises that is his grease-covered hand, “Um… No, nothing’s wrong at all…”

You lay your knife and fork down, looking into his brown orbs, “You know you can be honest with me, right? I know I may come across as a bit much, but there’s nothing to be scared about.”

Eddie connects his eyes with yours, sighing out, “It’s just… I don’t really salad in my burgers…”

“Oh, that’s fine!” you say, “I’ll just get them to replace it for you!”

“No, no, it’s fine, I’ll just take it out myse—”

But, before Eddie can argue against you, you’re calling over the waiter, explaining to them, “I’m so sorry, my date here forgot to order his burger without the salad. Is there any chance you could replace it for him?”

“Of course!” they smile, taking Eddie’s plate and replying, “I’ll be back in five.”

Eddie sighs, seeping into his chair in embarrassment, “You didn’t have to do that, I could’ve just taken it out myself…”

“Nonsense!” you wave off, “It would’ve been cold by then! Besides, it was no big deal at all. Now you’ll have just as nice of a meal as me.”

And that was just instance number one. Eddie was shocked that you ended that first date with a kiss to the cheek and the planning of date two. He was surprised you liked him that much after the fuss he made with some goddamn salad.

The second time you widely recall is when you introduced him to your friends.

You weren’t exactly popular at Hawkins High, but people knew of you and treated you with respect, the same as with the rest of your peer group. Sadly, your friends weren’t as open-minded as you were. They were quick to believe rumours and judge people instantly, but after meeting their parents, it was obvious as to why. Indoctrination was a real asshole.

So, when Eddie ditched his Hellfire group and joined you on the other side of the cafeteria for the day, he was anything but happy. Sure, he was excited to meet your friends, the ones who you spoke mostly highly of, but it was the interacting that he was unimpressed with.

“So, Eddie…” Sandy starts, chewing loudly, “What do you like to do? Like, your hobbies and stuff? Apart from playing that weird cult game or whatever.”

You smack her shoulder lightly, “I’ve told you a million times San, those rumours are bullshit. It’s just a bunch of nerdy guys throwing some dice around a table, nothing Satanic about it.”

“I don’t know,” Ellie sings from opposite you, “My mom said that two boys killed themselves because of it.”

“Don’t you think that’s just an unfortunate accident? Like, I’m sure two people who listen to pop music have killed themselves before too. But, you don’t see Cyndi fucking Lauper being banned from every radio station in America,” you roll your eyes, Eddie slowly sinking in his seat at the end of the table next to you, awkwardly nibbling on a pretzel.

You softly touch his arm, “I’m sorry about them baby. Go ahead, answer their question,” you smile.

Eddie coughs, sitting back up straight in his chair, “Um… I like Bon Jovi…” he shyly says, an obvious answer to try and fit in with your peer group.

“They’re okay…” Betty replies, “But, Madonna is way better in my personal opinion.”

“Betts!” you yell at her, “I thought you were here to get to know him, not judge him more!”

“I’m not judging!” she shouts back, “I’m just saying that Madonna is better than Bon Jovi. Besides, he’s obviously lying. He listens to that other Satanic shit, the metal stuff.”

You scrape your chair along the floor, standing up and grabbing Eddie’s hand, dragging him up with you, Sandy yelling out, “Where are you going?”

“Back to his friends that’s where,” you retort back, “I’m not gonna sit here and let you berate my boyfriend like that! Besides,” you smirk, “Metallica is fucking amazing.”

And with that, you spent the remaining twenty minutes of your lunch break with your true friends, your former ones merely a memory of the past.

The final, most prominent moment was towards the end of your first year of dating. By this time, Eddie had definitely come a lot more out of his shell, not just with you, but in public too. No longer scared to correct people at restaurants, being able to talk to strangers a little more easily, even freely making the phone calls he needed to.

But, there was one thing he hadn’t needed to battle yet. A situation he avoided at all costs.

“Ah, shit,” Wayne swears from behind you in the kitchen, you and Eddie snuggled up on the couch, watching a random sitcom that was airing on the channel you had flipped over to.

“You alright Wayne?” Eddie asks, keeping his gaze upon the small TV in front of him.

“Son, I know you’re hanging out with your girl right now, but my shift starts in less than an hour and the fridge is bare. You wouldn’t mind if I made a quick list to nip over to the store and grab some things would ya?”

Eddie looks down at you, asking with his eyes for a confirmation to which you happily agree, “Sure Wayne, I don’t mind helping out for you guys, if Eddie wants to go now, of course. Yeah, baby?”

Eddie nods, “Sure, best time too. Late at night, the store is practically empty. Much easier to get around.”

But, what both you and Eddie failed to recognise was what time of the year it was. The date was December 22nd, three days before Christmas. So, as Eddie pulls into the grocery store parking lot, there’s a lot more vehicles present than usual.

“Shit,” Eddie mumbles, “It’s fuckin’ Christmas ain’t it?”

You sigh, “Yeah… But, you got this,” you say, rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand where it was perched on the joystick, “You’ve accomplished so much this year in terms of your shyness. We can knock another one out the park tonight, can’t we?”

He parks up in an empty space, turning off the ignition and lets out a sigh, “Yeah… I got this.”

“That’s the spirit!” you exclaim, pressing a kiss to his cheek and jumping out of the passenger side of his van.

However, as you enter the store, both of you grabbing onto the shopping cart, Eddie tenses up at the amount of people wandering around. The aisles are crowded, the sounds of beeping from the scanners flood his ears and the clicking of heels against the tiled floor make him want to crawl out of his own skin.

You put your hand on top of his on the handle, “Baby, deep breaths, okay? You got this.”

He really does try his best, trying to focus on finding the groceries Wayne had written down, but like every other store, they changed their layout, making it impossible to find the required items in a timely manner, further adding to Eddie’s stress.

Once you get to the pet aisle, the atmosphere is a lot quieter, not many people seemingly having pets in Hawkins. You stop moving the cart and turn to Eddie, looking up into his eyes, “You wanna head back to the van, don’t you?”

He sighs, rubbing his hands over your arms, “I really tried, sweetheart, it’s just… It’s so overwhelming in here. There’s so many people, like, why did everyone leave everything so last minute?”

You chuckle lightly at this, “I mean… It’s a bit ironic coming from us, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but…” Eddie looks down disappointedly, “We’re not getting Christmas food, you know?”

You frown slightly at Eddie’s words. You found out very early on that the Munsons didn’t do a traditional celebration of the popular holiday. Frankly, they were too poor to go all out, the only reminder that Christmas was coming up being the twenty year old faux tree sitting weakly in the corner of the trailer.

You cup his cheeks, his hands immediately moving down to your waist, “Go and wait in the van, my love. I’ll take care of this.”

Eddie sighs, opening up his wallet and passing you the $20 note that Wayne had given to him, “Just… don’t spend more than that, okay? Wayne’ll kill me.”

“Got it. Take a breather, calm down, I’ll be as quick as I can,” you say, pressing a soft kiss to his lips before Eddie walks back out to the entrance of the store.

But, Wayne couldn’t kill Eddie if his budget wasn’t broken, nothing could be done if the limit was exceeded by the money out of your pocket.

So, when Eddie saw you walking towards the van with four bags instead of the usual two, he sits there shocked, you opening up the back of his van and placing them neatly against the side.

“I said don’t go over the limit,” Eddie says, a scared look across his face as he takes in the sheer capacity of food you had purchased for the two men, you jumping in the front with one of the bags in your lap.

“You and Wayne deserve a treat for how hard you two work, so I dipped into my own,” you smile softly, rendering Eddie speechless. “Plus, I thought you could make that classic Christmas meal a reality.”

Eddie looks at you with wide eyes as you place the bag in his lap, him shuffling through to find everything from a turkey, to potatoes, to vegetables, to gravy, everything to make a perfect Christmas dinner.

Eddie mouth opens wide as he stares at you, cupping your cheeks and bringing you in for a loving kiss, a smile being felt as the tears falling from his eyes land on your cheek. He places a few more on your right cheek as he gives you a bone-crushing embrace, the tears spilling onto your shoulder.

“Jesus Christ, I love you. I love you so goddamn much. Thank you sweetheart. My sweet girl, thank you.”

And his words can’t help but let a few tears slip from your eye also, the moment feeling so surreal and intense, so full of love and admiration. You knew of Eddie’s past, of how much he had been through. His memories of Christmas reminded him of getting beaten by his dad or feeling poor as the other kids rambled about their time of giving at school the next semester. So, you wanted to change that for him. You wanted to be the one to finally show him what it was like to feel loved at Christmas.

And when Eddie brought you around the day after Christmas, Wayne wrapped you in his arms, muttering into your shoulder: “Thank you darlin’. We’ll be forever grateful for what you did for us.”

i literally got emotional writing this towards the end :') i hope you enjoyed <33

[axel-skz]

It was the Tour I won’t forget…

Stray kids x reader

Perm taglist: @sunshinebarbie @bunnychangbin @3rachasninja @fairyofshampoo67

It gave you so much joy that today is finally here. It took too long. The nights had been unbearably lonely. But those thoughts weren’t important now.

He’s coming back today.

You had been checking the phone and looking at the time as if staring could make it go faster. Sitting here on basically the edge of your seat for so many hours, it felt like your legs were numb.

That was all well and good… until you got the text…

A text that would break your heart. One that couldn’t be anticipated. An event no one could control. Yet in the deepest part of your mind… you blamed him.

Because it hurt.

He had been on tour for 3 months. It had been painful to have only 10% of his attention on a good day. But it was good for his career and you of course knew this would happen before this relationship had started.

So you didn’t complain.

The tears were kept in until the very short calls came to an end. The bad news being withheld because he probably had problems of his own. The accidents and the scrapes left un kissed and hidden away because he would worry.

All of it done with all the effort you had in you because the day was ever so slowly approaching. He would return. And he would return so proud of you because you had been so supportive.

It didn’t come.

The text read, ‘I’ll call you later, but guess what?!’

At this point, you were excited, he was supposed to be landing as this text came.

‘WE ADDED A FEW MORE STOPS ON THE TOUR!!!’

Your heart, one that was barely holding on, had now been broken. Pieces falling away and letting out a cry that had been kept inside for god knows how long.

You sobbed.

It felt a little… dramatic… stupid too… how could someone be so dependent on another person…

But at the same time… the love you had for him was something that hadn’t been felt before. It was a scary feeling. It never haunted you though because if anyone was worth the risk, it was him.

It didn’t feel that way at this moment. This was when the darkest part of our minds become active.

It felt like he was deliberately staying away from you. Like maybe he found someone else. The world was at his fingertips and everything became clear. It was too beautiful and too exciting to be cooped up here with you. He requested the tour be made longer while he thought up a reason… not to come back… because of you…

It felt like the spiral had lasted hours. Horrible thoughts in your head taking all attention from anything rational.

You almost missed his text 15 minutes later. He was going to call soon and explain everything properly.

Explain… Explain?! How does anything make this okay?! Is there something that makes all this make sense?! And what frame of time was ‘soon’? What the hell does ‘call soon’ even mean?

You’re sat waiting for about 2 hours before he called.

‘Heyy!’

‘Hi’

‘God, Y/N… I can’t even explain how excited I am-’ he rambled on but you weren’t hearing any of it. You couldn’t get past your anger and frustration.

‘Do you not miss me at all?’ It was a sudden question and he seemed shocked, not answering right away.

‘I do miss you… so so much… but this is huge… non of us could’ve seen this level of an accomplishment coming. There’s so much more left to do.’

‘It’s been 3 months…’

‘I’m sorry but I don’t see why you can’t be supportive. I spent so much time trying to call you while we have been here. I did everything I could to talk to you. I don’t make the schedules but this is also a dream of mine. You know this.’

‘What?! Are you seriously doing this to my right now?! You have been away, for 3 freaking months!! I didn’t complain at all! I got up in the middle of the night just so I could call you!’

‘Yeah but I didn’t make you do that! I appreciate it but I never wanted or asked for you to do all this for me!’

‘Are you kidding me right now? You’re actually being serious… you don’t see anything wrong with what you just said?’

‘I even offered to bring you here with me. You declined. It’s not my fault.’

‘…I… wow… there’s no words… I never thought that you of all people would ever be the one to make me feel this way…’

‘I’m not trying to hurt you… you know I love you so much… but my career is important… I was so happy about this… now…’

‘Oh yeah… okay… I ruined it. That’s what you were gonna say? It’s fine. I’ll go. You enjoy this with the people you care so much about,’ you dropped the call.

[lulu2992]

Ask meme!

I was tagged by @simplegenius042! Thanks again :)

And I’m feeling brave enough to tag people today! So I’m tagging the first person who’s ever tagged me in this kind of game, @glowwormsmith, as well as a few others who’ve done so recently: @strafethesesinners, @cassietrn, and @laindtt! It goes without saying but, if you’ve already done this and/or don’t want to do it, you don’t have to! And to anyone seeing and feeling like doing this, consider yourself tagged :)

Rules: Write the Last Song you listened to, your Favourite Colour, the Last Movie you watched, whether you prefer Spicy, Sweet or Savory, your Relationship Status (optional, no pressure) and Current Obsession/s.

Last Song: The one at the end of this video I “watched” this morning while working on a few handmade Christmas presents :)

Favourite Colour: See that quarter of the chromatic circle with all the pinks and mauves? That’s my thing! And it’s technically not a color but I also like black.

Last Movie: I’ve finally watched a new one recently! It was El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie (because I’ve also finally watched Better Call Saul).

Sweet/Spicy/Savory?: It seems I was born with taste buds that are quite sensitive to pepper (or “strong” oral hygiene products), and since I don’t particularly enjoy being in pain for several minutes after putting something spicy in my mouth, I generally don’t :’) Both sweet and savory foods are fine with me, though! It just depends on the time of the day.

Relationship Status: Single.

Current Obsession: Well, it’s no secret that part of my heart has been living in Hope County for more than 5 years now... but I’ve also spent the past two evenings excitedly buying furniture and redecorating my Classic Neohome on neopets.com, and I had a great time! I’ve been thinking about Far Cry 3 a bit more often recently too (thanks, Nacho Varga).

[blitheringmcgonagall]

Thank you @abihastastybeans @msalexwp @uncertainwallflower and @soloorganaas ! I loved all your versions 🥰🥰🥰!!!

rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. if you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway💗💗

1. “Ah,” a pause. “How do you do, Evans?” From Snow Cherubs & Delayed Deer

Basically - pining Jily with Prongs making a hames of everything… one-shot

2. “Where were you on the night of the twenty- nineth of September…. Sir Grimmauld, I mean…” Remus cleared his throat. From A Little Risk

Remus Lupin Detective Inspector investigates a murder at the Duke & Duchess of Grimmauld’s manor. Lily Evans is a Private Investigator. Dr James Potter & the eldest son of the duke, Sirius Black, are suspects… who is the murderer, and is Snape my most horrible version? Wolfstar &Jily, multichapter, completed.

3. “The weirdo is following you, Lily,” Mary hisses under her breath, sounding mildly disgusted. From I’m Not in Love

Pining Jily idiots, one-shot

4. Sirius will never forget this day. From This Is The Way The World Ends

Remus Lupin’s lycanthropy catches up with him. Seriously angsty, made you cry etc. Wolfstar, multichapter, completed.

5. “I told him. I told Snivellus about the Whomping Willow, how to get past it,” Sirius’ voice a dull whisper as he turned away towards the window. From BLAME

A Marauders What If...?

What if James had been blamed for the Prank?

What if he got expelled at the end of Fifth Year?

What if there was never a Lily Evans and James Potter, Head Boy and Head Girl? If they parted enemies, if they never got together in their final year in Hogwarts? What if the marauders lost James? What then? Jily & Wolfstar, WIP

6. “Hi Moony!” Lily called from the sitting room, where she lay on the couch with her long legs tucked under herself. From Wedding Nerves

Lily, the night before her wedding - spent with the marauders. Marauders and Lily brotp

7. “Fuck!” Remus bit down hard on his lip to stop himself screaming with the pain. From Agony/Bliss

Remus is a lovestruck fool, pining after Sirius Black, unattainable, pitiful. Angst & then fluff, 2/2 chapters, completed.

8. The Summer holidays loomed over him, like a tsunami. From Boys Don’t Cry

There is silence as Remus looks at him. A suffocating stillness that is anything but calm. There is punishment and absence there, hanging between them, a hurt so thick he thinks he could slice it open. His chest aches with how hard he is pushing down the need to cry. He wishes Remus would yell at him, scream at him, pummel him senseless. He thinks there could be goodness trapped somewhere inside him, somewhere deeper than the need to bawl. He thinks if anyone could find it, it would be this lanky boy.

Angst & drama - aka the prank and why Sirius did what he did. 5/5 chapters, completed. Pre relationship Wolfstar & Jily

9. “Congrats, Potter!” From Tight Quidditch Uniforms & Other Distressing Things

“Come on, Evans, don’t be a coward,” Sirius Black’s grey eyes flashing, full of challenge.

“Look. I’m glad he’s happy, I’m not lying, alright? I just... I just wish I was the one making him happy. Satisfied?”

She sighed and poured herself another drink. She couldn’t believe she had just said it. Must be the alcohol.

“That’s my girl, a true Gryffindor,” Sirius said, his grey eyes alight now, twinkling dangerously.

“If you fucking say a word to him, I swear to you-“

Or

Sirius Black has to Do Things to make Jily happen...

(Jily, Sirius is the best wingman, fluff 2/2 finished)

10. “Hold still for a minute!” From Wildflowers

Jily fluff, wildflower garlands, sweetness but then… Jily, fluff & angst, one-shot

Tagging if you want to: @mollymarymarie @theresthesnitch @mppmaraudergirl @engie-ivy @steelycunt @jennandblitz @stonecoldhedwig @midnightelite @mabeltothknows @startanewdream @maraudersftw @the-dream-team @squintclover @wearingaberetinparis @therealrjlupin @dizzy--bird @enbysiriusblack @aqua-myosotis and anyone else who wants to!!